Two Weeks to go!

So much emotion running through right now. I have two weeks to go, until our move date. My love and I are looking forward to it. The start of something new, and fresh.

To catch everyone up, we found a place in Creve Coeur, Missouri. A wonderful 3 bedroom town house. It isn't perfect but as we both believe, we are not perfect. It seems to be cozy, and has it's quirks but it is home. He moved in last week, and in two weeks I will be moving in with my cat.

I have a second interview with the first company that I have decided to place my application with. They know I need some help and learning with Linux, and a little with the command line in Windows, but I have the basics. I am intelligent, and know what I am talking about. Now to attempt to nail the second interview once I am in town.

I am not sure if this move has been harder on my friends than on myself. Trying to do the last minute things, seeing people and things that I have wanted to. I shouldn't thing think this is goodbye but yet, I will be back. I know that I am coming back home. It will be awhile, but I suppose I never thought I would leave Seattle. But after being here for about 27 years, I am thinking it is time to explore.

Nearly done packing, getting everything ready. This is my last week of solid packing, and today I found something that I thought I had lost. When I was in high school my grandfather started writing a book about his trucking. My grandfather was a trucker, nearly life long trucker. He was proud of his accomplishments, and being able to see all continental 49 states. The only ones he didn't get to see with his trucking was Alaska and Hawaii (no roads to Hawaii).

His death came this year, it was expected but still somewhat sudden. I hadn't seen him in years, since I was in High School. I had just received the pamphlet that was given out for his funeral, but finding his book. It makes me think of how much I know I am going to miss him. My grandfather, a wonder of no belief, a strong soul., a worker and someone whom did not show fear to change. As I go forward, and explore the US and the World, I can't help to think that I am like him in some way, a traveler. I am going to create memories that will last me a long time.

Two weeks until I make my biggest jump ever, I am ready, I have been ready and truly look forward to the adventure. Thank you everyone that supports me!

Four weeks to go!

Well we are in the final four weeks of our count down. Everything is just starting to fall into  place. Which I have no complaints about, we need things to be smooth.

I put my application into a company for a tier 2. We had scheduled an interview, but it had to be rescheduled. In the mean time I have been studying my little heart out. I have wonderful friends, and an even better partner to help. I got the call Monday to have it scheduled for Wednesday. I..am..terrified! I want this to work out, be somewhat easy... I have this feeling it wont be.

We have been searching for apartments as of late. We found quite a few but two caught our eye. We applied, and we were accepted on one, waiting to hear back on the second. We want the second place more than the first... But with things stacked against us, we will work it out.

So lets check list here,
Job- interview tomorrow
House- got one hiring hoping for the other
Packed- about 85% done.
Cat- ready for flight, last appointment scheduled
Notice on current place- check, have balance
My health checkup- check, prescriptions refilled
Sanity- lost that months ago
Stress level-out of control
Flight tickets-purchased
Rental car-not yet working on it
The relocube- reserved, will need to call soon.
Legal papers-will sign soon

I am so ready to go. I feel like I am playing Tetris. I am placing them where they should go but afraid it won't work. I have faith that things will work. I am sure. More updates soon!

Bumps, and Lumps; Ups and Downs

After a week of focusing on one... we find out that it is not meant to be. I believe that if you work at it and you still do not get what you are reaching for, it was not meant to be. You can't help but plan what it will like if you achieved your goal, and have your heart set on just one. However, when you are shot down not once but twice, it is just heart breaking.

This goes for just about everything I have learned. A job, a house, a life, and a material item, all the same in many ways. If you do not put forth the energy then it does not get accomplished. Mind you, we both right now are running out of steam, and fuel. Our daily energy is that of a barely making it feeling. I know that I am barely surviving knowing and breathing that there is a light at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel. I sometimes wonder how he feels.

I had said once before that a long distance relationship is not for the weak of heart. Each day since I last saw him, it gets harder. I sometimes wonder if I am going forward because of my own drive or for that of another. Terrified of change, Tired from the lack of restful sleep, and just worried that something is going to go wrong. My everyday has become that last sprint. Planning, preparing, packing, and existing.

This week we may have already lost what could have been a wonderful thing. Then I ask, was it meant to be? Was it just another step to something bigger, better or just what we need. I am not about living beyond my means, or proving that I have something that you don't. I want to be comfortable. I want to come home to my mate, whom welcomes me with open arms and kisses. A cold empty house is not the life for me.

I proved to myself that I could survive, and live on my own. Something that I had never done before. It is quite an accomplishment. I however, wish I could do more. I need to re-charge.. no WE need to re-charge. We need to put our feet on the ground and take a look at the time keeper and get ready. I may be out of shape but damn it we will make that finish line. We will be out of breath, tired but I believe that after we get through these hurdles. We can make anything happen.

I submitted my resume, and we will continue our search. The one thing that we need to keep in mind... Anything is possible. This is the time where we pick each other up and encourage that this finish line isn't far away. We will make a home wherever the fates believe we should be.

Excuse me, it's my decision.

I shouldn't have to feel like I have to apologize for my decision to move. I am striving to make myself happier by moving closer to a loved one. I am quitting a job that makes me kinda happy for a job that will make me happier. I am moving from my little nest to an overall happier life. I am working towards a better me.

Why is it when I work towards something that makes me happy everyone gets in a tizzies because "Oh gods you are moving away!" Or "Oh gods she is changing!". Really people every one strives to make the life you live happy. I shouldn't have to justify it. I shouldn't have to feel like an apology should be in order.

When I weighed my choices, and what was good for me this was it. I am in my late 20's, I don't live forever. I want to explore, I want to be fucking happy. I have someone whom supports me for who I am. Someone who shares in the workload of life, who believes in the same work ethic, and believes in the same ideas of what a sex life should be. someone I don't have to scrafice the important things to, because he understands.

I have made mistakes in my life. It is not easy to make myself believe that "it will be ok" because the road is not always smooth. It takes violent turns and it isn't always roses. But I do my best to make decisions that will help me and not harm. Right now I am causing more harm than help. Let me help myself damn it, don't hold me down and smother me.

What ever happened to the belief of "And it cause no harm, do as you will"? Is this not valid for my life changing event? I will not apologize for my choices. I will not make excuses because I am going to truly live. Adventure, love, and believe that I will make dreams come true. With sweat and tears I will make things happen, and by my side someone that supports me.

Be mad, be sad, be unhappy, be happy, be whatever emotion you decide fitting. I will listen to my heart and intuition. Just know that it's my decision. I am making my world happy! If you don't like it then obviously you don't understand. Don't make me feel like I have to apologize for my decisions, it's just not right. Thanks for listening.

Stress, snow, and scams

This week has started out less than prefect. Lately I have been worrying about things that have been out of my control.

I have issue with perfection. I am a self proclaimed perfectionist. I will do everything in my power to ensure that I will accomplish a task in a timely manner. We have been short staffed at work. With a ton of new customers each week we have been struggling to keep up.

My own policy is to ensure that every one of my tickets are touched. But when you are thrown more and not allow me to assess the situation I become overwhelmed and stressed out. I am nearly always stressed out, just by nature. If I am overwhelmed I can't cope as well. I have learned over time to breathe, but there are still moments.

Spring is coming! Not only are there flowers blooming but there is snow falling. The past three days we have had snow. Not the amounts that we had in january, but enough to make people freak out. We even had one of my favorite type of storm. A wind storm. A kept thinking about my boyfriend, being cuddled letting the wind take us. I really hope Saint Louis has the same, and not involving tornados.

Lastly, we have been searching for houses to rent. We have been using a wonderful website called "Pad Mapper". It helps you find places that you could rent or buy. We are not in the market to buy a house. We want to retire in Seattle, in our home; not Saint Louis. So we started our search. It has been an interesting search to start.

The first house we sent a response to, looked wonderful. A few blocks from work, and businesses. Exactly what we were looking for. He sent a response, and we waited. We heard nothing for a week or so.
Last night we were up late doing some housing searches. We came across the same house again, and suggested that he look for the response in his junk folder. Well thinking Google was over doing the spam protection again we found it there.

We were a little concerned with the opening of the response and a conflict of religious views. However, he dove by the house. It looked legit, so we responded. They wanted some normal information, who are you, when you born, who will be in the house, pets, cars, occupation, previous residence, why you leaving, ect. We apologized for the delay and I can only assume he did some research.

Next thing I know I am recieving an email saying that this is all a scam. Well fuck me with a stick. Something that would have been a dream place to rent gone in just a few seconds. He continued to search and found more. So much so he sent one to me with a response that made me giggle. "Hey honey, they are doing Doctors without borders. We should watch their house for them."

It is sad that in a single moment I went from hopeful to frustated to just another wasted moment. If I have learned anything it has been two things. First, don't stress over things you don't have control over. And second, if it is too good to be true, it probably is. I guess it's back to the drawing board... On the bright side, I have the vet and dr appointment set. This isn't washed yet.... gotta keep my head up.

Am I ready?

The days are quickly counting down. About 9 weekends left, and I am truly thinking. "Am I ready?"

We bought our tickets, this week. I was able to choose the date. I thought about it, and it was a very difficult choice. I was thinking of my cat, and the stress it would put on her. So I made the decision to leave as quickly as possible. Like a band-aid just get it done, and be settled.

I hate change, and this one is HUGE! This one is moving quite far away, about 2k miles. I have to figure the time to not only spend with some friends before I leave, but also ensure that all of my loose ends are tied. That is a lot to do in about 9 weeks.

I have picked up a few things for the cat, and know that both of us need to get in for a dr appointment. So finding the time to schedule this, and get the rest of my possessions packed. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't terrified. The thought that goes through my mind is often, "Is this right?"

The last time I went there, it felt like home. It felt like I should be there. I am quite done with being lonely. I am done with only cooking dinner for myself, and having no one but myself to talk to in person. I am done with sleeping alone, and baking for co-workers. (not that I mind). I want to get that change of scenery and change of pace for life in general.

So to answer this question I keep asking myself, "Am I ready?" my answer is quite simple. "No, but I am ready for the next challenge and to have someone there to help me along." So, I will get things packed and shredded, along with getting my life put together before I go.

In Sickness and Independence

This week was one I was dreading for quite awhile. Not because it was a special week by any means. It was the week I got sick.

The sickness was a common cold but with me I am stubborn and I knew it was going to catch up with me. I hate being sick, and I hate missing work even more. (Especially when I know I am not getting paid) But this week I did catch that common cold that had been going around and boy did it knock me out.

The beginning of the week I believed it was allergies. Spring is coming and I know that I have a few allergies her and there. But after a few days it just got worse. With little or no sleep (about 6 or less hours of it a day) I knew that it was going to get me this weekend. I made do with tissues and Alieve Cold and Sinus ( my saviour most times) but this time it didn't work.

I finally on Friday threw in the towel and just called it a day. I called in sick, and was able to just sleep the day away. I had no night time drugs to help me sleep, and wearily I texted my neighbor (my old high school friend) to see if he had some I could use. He responded saying he did indeed have some and would be right over.

This week really showed me how much I hate being sick, and how much I had to fight to be well again. There were moments, I would have appreciated to have wheels or someone to take care of me. Getting the phone calls from not only the Boyfriend, but from my mum as well it made me feel just a little better.

After an entire day of sleep and soup I decided that Saturday I would just get out of the house. I figured some well deserved Vitamin D was in order. I hopped a bus and made a day of it. Pho, Coffee, and a stop at the drug store I was on my way to feeling better. It was when I got home I could tell I was still on the mend. I crawled into pj's and took a wonderful nap.

I woke up to my phone ringing to the tune of Black Eyed Peas' "Time of my Life", it was the Boyfriend. I couldn't help but smile. I answered in a sort of Groggy state, to his voice, and then shortly after, two other little voices. They were calling to check on me. I hadn't eaten dinner yet and it was about that time. We spent a few moments talking and it just made my night. It was like falling asleep and having a Lovie come over and kiss my lips to wake me, or having two kids crawl into bed with you in the morning. A moment I ever wonder if I will experience.

Then today, I saw that he and the kids went to see the newest Studio Ghibli movie that was in theaters. "The Secret World of Arrietty" I wanted to see it too, so I decided to take my self to a movie. I have never been to a Movie alone before, it was quite the experience. I enjoyed it the same. I had also walked the few blocks to do a few last errands before going home.

There is one thing that I loved about today, is the sense of Independence I had. The ability to just do what I wanted, and feel I could go anywhere. If there are two things I hope that I can accomplish after I move it is this. I hope that I don't have be sick and alone again, but if I am I would rather be sick and independent. Just as well, I hope that there will be moments where I can just go out, and walk somewhere. Hop a bus, or some other mode of transportation and just explore.

I love to explore new places, and today was one of those exploring days. This week was lonely, but yet I feel a certain calm about it. I did this by my self, with those who love me around to help support. I may be by myself for the next few months, but I am not alone. I am a little stronger today for it, because today I did something for myself. I also enjoyed every moment.