In loving memory of Diane C. Peck

Found in my Grandparent's Garden

There are two women in my life that mean the world to me; my mother and my grandmother. They both were there in times of need, and supported me when I needed it. Both helped raise me and mold me into the woman that I am today. 

July 29th, I got a call from my dad that my grandmother was ill and in the hospital. I knew she was fighting a heart issue and has been for the better part of the past year. My mother called a few moments to then tell me that it isn't good and that I needed come home. 

Grandma, Me, and Mom

Her blood pressure is down and she is holding on. I can't get home quite yet. This woman is so important to me that I am devastated to know that my last time seeing her was this last spring. 

I kept my last promise to her; I came home this year.  I showed her I was happy and that in a small way  she has great grand-kids. 

My grandmother taught us so very many lessons. She taught us the importance of independence, education, to laugh and to love. She even taught us to humor life, and always be the optimist. She would do things with the intent to make others smile. 

She loved her garden. Even on my last visit with her she was excited to just get back out there and be in her garden. She grew lots of things  from wine grapes, to zucchini, to pumpkins, to her poppy flowers.

Pumpkin Party

I remember the pumpkin parties. Where our family would gather and celebrate the harvest of the pumpkins. Any excuse to see her grand-kids
she would accept. She would come out as our wicked witch (green face and wart included) and lead all the grand-kids to her garden.   Her license plate cover even  said " her other car was a broom"

I often called her, and giving her updates on life, seeking honest sage advice. And when she worried she would call, asking how everyone was doing. I think all of us grand-kids at one point or another came over with our new boyfriend, or girlfriend seeking approval from grandma. As we saw That she understood the key to a good relationship. She was with grandpa for more than 30 years. And even the smallest visit turned into at least dinner, she insisted. 

Purchase of a New Car

My last visit with my grandmother was not only a promise kept, but unknowingly my last time being able to seek advice. With my step kids running about the house exploring such a wonder I stopped to ask her about her love with my grandfather. In a newer relationship of my own, I has to know if I was doing it right. I mean at least 30 years, you have to be doing something right. I asked "Grandma, do you and grandpa ever really fight? I never have seen it and really am curious." I really think she was taken aback of such a question but she did have an answer. "Of course, but they were never screaming matches. They were more than just quiet disagreements. Life and love is about compromise and teamwork. There will be moments that you will have to stand your ground on something that you are passionate about, but that is how it goes." A smile and hug later, as the kids got antsy and ready to go, she also gave the smart response of " it also gets better when the kids grow up and move out." 

Her sense of humor rubbed off on not only her kids, but her grand-kids too. She always knew how to make you smile. My grandmother was crafty, loving, loved her box wine, her gardening, to travel, books and of all things she loved her husband the most.  I will miss calling and talking to her about what is new, and how the kids are growing like weeds. I will miss her smile and her big hugs.  I will miss my grandmother, my favorite little yellow bird. 

How I Remember my grandmother

Life, love, bills and name changes

This year has been so crazy! Ever since I have moved here to Saint Louis I have been going non stop. Everything from being a nearly full time parent to changing my work schedule to just chaos. I suppose a go over for the year so far is in order.

So since February my Lovie and I have taken on the full time parent roll. Let me tell you that was a huge adjustment for both of us. We went from weekend parents to full time, learning about school functions to how hard it was to figure out what to have for dinner. Still to this day we struggle but we do our best to provide a happy home.

We had learned that we couldn't keep up and told both kids that they needed to help. Thus our rewards system. Lovie came up with the "Bonus Points" system. Every time they help out ( laundry, feeding the cat, taking out he trash/ recycling ect) they could earn a point. Each point goes towards rewards (movies, dinner,toys ect). It has been going well.

I have been working for nearly a year at the local cable company. I have found that I am starting to become good at the job. Slowly working towards going to another position. The hardest thing that we had done so far is had my schedule changed. It was ok having the 9- 5:30 job, but when it changed to 11-7:30, that was when it got tougher.  The kids miss me, and I am not spending much time with them or my love during the week. It is a huge strain on the family. I can tell, I hate the hours but we need the paycheck.

Mom came into town in March. It was so good to see her. We took her around and showed her that I was happy here. She even got to see a Saint Louis winter. It was also very awesome that when she met the kids they attached just like any kid would to their grandma. It was amazing.

 I also got to learn about how well my Lovie will take care of me when I am sick. The first day my mom came home I came down with exhaustion so bad that I just crashed. I couldn't walk straight, and had a fever. He took care of me so much that he demanded that I stay in bed and rest. Even when I wondered into the kitchen to try to help with dinner, he shooed me out. Now that is true love.

This year I have been working on losing weight. I have lost about 25 lbs already. This summer has been hard to get motivation to workout. I have been overall stressed out and can't seem to find my groove of life quite yet. We still struggle with one car for a two car type family. I think that for next school year I may be electing to ride the bus until this name change stuff is over.

Speaking of name changes, it's official I will be progressing to change my name. My hope, is that I will have it completed by my birthday. I am keeping my surname on the down low, until the papers are in the announcement phase. I have already pulled my credit reports and found everyone that I owe money to. Hopefully by September I will be able to start my legal name change. It's something I have wanted and told myself that it will be my 30th birthday pressent to myself. Lemme tell you that this will be the most expensive present yet. Except for my dental work.

The dental work is going well. I already capped out my insurance for this year, and I still need about 4k in dental work to repair what I already have. I then have to get oral surgery, and then I have to get my implants. This here my dental work is the most I have ever spent on myself. I already got my first compliment from a friend who had to ask Lovie quietly if I got work done. Believe me friends, it has had it's moments, and I am just glad that I have an awesome dentist. He has walked me through everything and we have become good friends.

Lovie and I take each day one at a time, and know that we will get there someday. I know that once I settle myself we will find our groove and work out everything on our check list. Until next time, stay safe and keep love in your heart.

Kitty L.

Moving a new direction

It's been a few months since I have posted here. I suppose I should catch you up, and let you know my goals from here on out with this blog.

A lot has happened since my last post. The summer was fast, but it was very pleasant for us. We did as much as we could with the allowed money, and time we were granted. I have been able to spend the summer with the kids, and create a few memories as a family. We have explored the Science Center, The Botanical Gardens, Visited the Zoo, and even a few parks. We have done a lot and I will be posting a few here on this blog and additional memories as well as they happen, and as I have photographs.

It is now Fall, and as the days get colder, I am sure we will accomplish more. I have obtained a full time job at our local Cable Company. So things are looking up. This weekend we have a con, and the following we have the kids.

I think our goal is to start our traditions this year. Pairing down the things we want/need to do for each year. I look forward to enjoying time with our family through out the coming years and seeing both kids grow, as my and my Lovie's relationship grow.

This blog is now changing from helping me to continue, to documenting a new sort of life that we are carving for ourselves. To get good pictures, and just doing small scrap moments for us.

June 2012

April 2011

Because moments like this.... you just can't re-create.

(I will be back posting to get caught up)

3 months and counting

Three months and counting, that is how long I have been unemployed. That is how long I have been struggling to find work. It has been hard to only have three interviews in the past three months, and wait for someone to call and the phone doesn't ring.

I have searched, nothing but one perspective, and they won't call. Today, it just got harder and I knew it was going to come. So now it is thinking outside the box. Instead of technical support positions, I will now look to retail.

I have never done retail, and I am sorta terrified at even attempting it but I need not be scared. It can't be that scary right?

Regardless I have to step up to my game, and go full force into the workforce. I must not feel this useless, I know I am not but this has to stop. Feelings I have been having are no good to me, nor my situation.

There is so much that I want to and need to get done. So for the time being I need to cast the feelings aside and make the most of it.

On a brighter note, we did have the kids for a week and a half, it was wonderful! We enjoyed them as much as they enjoyed it here. We had some family and friends come over, we did some Little Gym make up classes, and even went to BATTL with our friends. We ended the entire thing watching some metor showers at their mum's house.

His kid started first.grade this week, and I am sure we will hear all about it when he and his sister come over. I am excited to be there for them, and help in anyway. I may not be there for them every day, but at least I can make a difference in their lives. I hope.

Although, I can't complain much about the time I have spent here so far. I know now that the vacation is over, and I am going to do something about this fairy tale because it can't end like this. As always I am optimistic, and ready to take on anything. Just think, I will be making the most out of what we have, and making it better.

We will win, at least our story has already taken a new turn. Stick together and we can accomplish anything!

With love,
Kitty

Kids, Paleo and Parenthood

I have been in Saint Louis for nearly two months in July. So much I have learned, and still feel I have a lot to go.

There is something different about helping raise children with your mate. It is even far more different being just a weekend parent. It gives you the flexability during the week to do some adult things like bars, and being in little to nothing during the day. However on the flip side, on the weekends we are asked... "Come out to sing on Saturday's!" "I am sorry we have the kids on the weekends."

Now don't get me wrong. I enjoy bar hopping and singing just like the next girl. However, there is something about having the kids in the house. The moments where you stand in the living room and teach them how to jump rope, how to literally count backwards to 1, and reading bed time stories. Making dinner, and coming to the aid if they have injured themselves.

However, there are moments that I just am not sure that I am really a "parent". There are moments that I feel as if I am just "dad's Girlfriend". There are moments where they don't listen, they deliberately disobey and ignore my statements. It isn't until I am backed up by Lovie, or their Mum do they listen. I fear my boundaries, and don't know how to push where I am comfortable. I know that parenting is just a learning journey. I know that in time... I will be the best "Parent" that I know to be.

Speaking of the kids, we have learned how to eat mostly of the diet called "Paleo". Mostly protein, fruit, and veggies. No legumes, and dairy, only exceptions is Cheese. So far we have done well, finding pancakes, and dinners, and lunches that are healthy. Working on myself to see if I can loose the weight and be healthier. The kids have eaten most of my dinners, and the food that I have prepared. Even found a pancake recipe that didn't suck. Paleo is not my kind of diet... but if I can do it for the kids.. why not.

Still no work, but I am applying to most places in hopes they think I am worthy. However with no call backs, no words, Nothing! My optimism is slowly waning. I dislike being home all the time, and being a "house Girlfriend".  I need to keep my head up because this is what I need. Sometimes, it takes a little longer than you would hope. I will put myself together again. It will take love, and patience.

Week two in Missouri

It's been two weeks now since I had moved to the Saint Louis area. It has been the most fast paced two weeks you could ever imagine. A lot has happened since I have last posted so I guess a brief re-cap might be in order.

The last week of work was painful yet, very rewarding. Got to talk to a few familiar clients and got to close quite a few tickets. There were a few tickets that were unresolved but I knew they were in good hands. The last day, I did cry. I knew I was going to be doing something bigger and better, but I just knew that I wasn't going to see these guys again. My name tag was stolen, my very last day, and it was just very emotional. I didn't go drinking that night with the crew because, no one was going to show and I just wanted to go home, buy pizza and drink some beer.

The last weekend was a crazy one, with divorce papers, signed, and seeing a few friends over the weekend. It was just a lot of catching up. Monday, I went to see my best friend, Ferret, and her kidlet. Tuesday that week my lovie flew into town, and the cube got dropped off. Then on it was a blur, with dinner dates, and moving and packing. Uncomfortable beds, and empty houses. Threats that were made, and closure on everything.

Time flew too fast, and on the Friday before I left, I knew who my true friends were. Other than Ferret, and Fox, ( because they had kids) of course. 7 of my closest friends came down and we sang together. Drank, and sang. It was one of the best nights ever. A lot of hugs and sad good byes later, and I was nursing the drunk feeling afterwards.

Saturday came waaay too early, but we cleaned the house, and packed up our things, and the cat and off we went. Running a little later than we liked but we made it on time. We went through security quite well. The cat did very well, a few maintenance mews, and everything was just fine. We got to Saint Louis and was picked up by some in-law family, and made it home. The kids were here when we arrived, and with a distressed cat, she said her hellos and then hid in our closet for a few hours. Once things got quiet she came out and snuggled us for a little bit.

The first week was quite busy as well, moving things around getting prepared for the shipment of my possessions, getting the essentials that we needed, and everything all at once. Explored the surrounding area, and ensured that we knew what we were looking forward to. Quite a bit of new and exciting scenery. Also it is an area of town that he is not too familiar with, so we are still learning.

The second week has been very quiet, making dinner at home, and moving my possessions around, and unpacking my kitchen and such. So far it has been very labor intensive and just tedious. We are still making the necessary changes to the house to make it a warmer home. I look forward to making this house a home for at least a few years, until we find a place that fits our style a little more than what we have now.

Next week I am in full scale job hunting. I didn't get the position that I applied for but as my mum always said, "If at first you don't succeed, try try again." Until we speak again!

Lots of love!

Two Weeks to go!

So much emotion running through right now. I have two weeks to go, until our move date. My love and I are looking forward to it. The start of something new, and fresh.

To catch everyone up, we found a place in Creve Coeur, Missouri. A wonderful 3 bedroom town house. It isn't perfect but as we both believe, we are not perfect. It seems to be cozy, and has it's quirks but it is home. He moved in last week, and in two weeks I will be moving in with my cat.

I have a second interview with the first company that I have decided to place my application with. They know I need some help and learning with Linux, and a little with the command line in Windows, but I have the basics. I am intelligent, and know what I am talking about. Now to attempt to nail the second interview once I am in town.

I am not sure if this move has been harder on my friends than on myself. Trying to do the last minute things, seeing people and things that I have wanted to. I shouldn't thing think this is goodbye but yet, I will be back. I know that I am coming back home. It will be awhile, but I suppose I never thought I would leave Seattle. But after being here for about 27 years, I am thinking it is time to explore.

Nearly done packing, getting everything ready. This is my last week of solid packing, and today I found something that I thought I had lost. When I was in high school my grandfather started writing a book about his trucking. My grandfather was a trucker, nearly life long trucker. He was proud of his accomplishments, and being able to see all continental 49 states. The only ones he didn't get to see with his trucking was Alaska and Hawaii (no roads to Hawaii).

His death came this year, it was expected but still somewhat sudden. I hadn't seen him in years, since I was in High School. I had just received the pamphlet that was given out for his funeral, but finding his book. It makes me think of how much I know I am going to miss him. My grandfather, a wonder of no belief, a strong soul., a worker and someone whom did not show fear to change. As I go forward, and explore the US and the World, I can't help to think that I am like him in some way, a traveler. I am going to create memories that will last me a long time.

Two weeks until I make my biggest jump ever, I am ready, I have been ready and truly look forward to the adventure. Thank you everyone that supports me!

Four weeks to go!

Well we are in the final four weeks of our count down. Everything is just starting to fall into  place. Which I have no complaints about, we need things to be smooth.

I put my application into a company for a tier 2. We had scheduled an interview, but it had to be rescheduled. In the mean time I have been studying my little heart out. I have wonderful friends, and an even better partner to help. I got the call Monday to have it scheduled for Wednesday. I..am..terrified! I want this to work out, be somewhat easy... I have this feeling it wont be.

We have been searching for apartments as of late. We found quite a few but two caught our eye. We applied, and we were accepted on one, waiting to hear back on the second. We want the second place more than the first... But with things stacked against us, we will work it out.

So lets check list here,
Job- interview tomorrow
House- got one hiring hoping for the other
Packed- about 85% done.
Cat- ready for flight, last appointment scheduled
Notice on current place- check, have balance
My health checkup- check, prescriptions refilled
Sanity- lost that months ago
Stress level-out of control
Flight tickets-purchased
Rental car-not yet working on it
The relocube- reserved, will need to call soon.
Legal papers-will sign soon

I am so ready to go. I feel like I am playing Tetris. I am placing them where they should go but afraid it won't work. I have faith that things will work. I am sure. More updates soon!

Bumps, and Lumps; Ups and Downs

After a week of focusing on one... we find out that it is not meant to be. I believe that if you work at it and you still do not get what you are reaching for, it was not meant to be. You can't help but plan what it will like if you achieved your goal, and have your heart set on just one. However, when you are shot down not once but twice, it is just heart breaking.

This goes for just about everything I have learned. A job, a house, a life, and a material item, all the same in many ways. If you do not put forth the energy then it does not get accomplished. Mind you, we both right now are running out of steam, and fuel. Our daily energy is that of a barely making it feeling. I know that I am barely surviving knowing and breathing that there is a light at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel. I sometimes wonder how he feels.

I had said once before that a long distance relationship is not for the weak of heart. Each day since I last saw him, it gets harder. I sometimes wonder if I am going forward because of my own drive or for that of another. Terrified of change, Tired from the lack of restful sleep, and just worried that something is going to go wrong. My everyday has become that last sprint. Planning, preparing, packing, and existing.

This week we may have already lost what could have been a wonderful thing. Then I ask, was it meant to be? Was it just another step to something bigger, better or just what we need. I am not about living beyond my means, or proving that I have something that you don't. I want to be comfortable. I want to come home to my mate, whom welcomes me with open arms and kisses. A cold empty house is not the life for me.

I proved to myself that I could survive, and live on my own. Something that I had never done before. It is quite an accomplishment. I however, wish I could do more. I need to re-charge.. no WE need to re-charge. We need to put our feet on the ground and take a look at the time keeper and get ready. I may be out of shape but damn it we will make that finish line. We will be out of breath, tired but I believe that after we get through these hurdles. We can make anything happen.

I submitted my resume, and we will continue our search. The one thing that we need to keep in mind... Anything is possible. This is the time where we pick each other up and encourage that this finish line isn't far away. We will make a home wherever the fates believe we should be.

Excuse me, it's my decision.

I shouldn't have to feel like I have to apologize for my decision to move. I am striving to make myself happier by moving closer to a loved one. I am quitting a job that makes me kinda happy for a job that will make me happier. I am moving from my little nest to an overall happier life. I am working towards a better me.

Why is it when I work towards something that makes me happy everyone gets in a tizzies because "Oh gods you are moving away!" Or "Oh gods she is changing!". Really people every one strives to make the life you live happy. I shouldn't have to justify it. I shouldn't have to feel like an apology should be in order.

When I weighed my choices, and what was good for me this was it. I am in my late 20's, I don't live forever. I want to explore, I want to be fucking happy. I have someone whom supports me for who I am. Someone who shares in the workload of life, who believes in the same work ethic, and believes in the same ideas of what a sex life should be. someone I don't have to scrafice the important things to, because he understands.

I have made mistakes in my life. It is not easy to make myself believe that "it will be ok" because the road is not always smooth. It takes violent turns and it isn't always roses. But I do my best to make decisions that will help me and not harm. Right now I am causing more harm than help. Let me help myself damn it, don't hold me down and smother me.

What ever happened to the belief of "And it cause no harm, do as you will"? Is this not valid for my life changing event? I will not apologize for my choices. I will not make excuses because I am going to truly live. Adventure, love, and believe that I will make dreams come true. With sweat and tears I will make things happen, and by my side someone that supports me.

Be mad, be sad, be unhappy, be happy, be whatever emotion you decide fitting. I will listen to my heart and intuition. Just know that it's my decision. I am making my world happy! If you don't like it then obviously you don't understand. Don't make me feel like I have to apologize for my decisions, it's just not right. Thanks for listening.

Stress, snow, and scams

This week has started out less than prefect. Lately I have been worrying about things that have been out of my control.

I have issue with perfection. I am a self proclaimed perfectionist. I will do everything in my power to ensure that I will accomplish a task in a timely manner. We have been short staffed at work. With a ton of new customers each week we have been struggling to keep up.

My own policy is to ensure that every one of my tickets are touched. But when you are thrown more and not allow me to assess the situation I become overwhelmed and stressed out. I am nearly always stressed out, just by nature. If I am overwhelmed I can't cope as well. I have learned over time to breathe, but there are still moments.

Spring is coming! Not only are there flowers blooming but there is snow falling. The past three days we have had snow. Not the amounts that we had in january, but enough to make people freak out. We even had one of my favorite type of storm. A wind storm. A kept thinking about my boyfriend, being cuddled letting the wind take us. I really hope Saint Louis has the same, and not involving tornados.

Lastly, we have been searching for houses to rent. We have been using a wonderful website called "Pad Mapper". It helps you find places that you could rent or buy. We are not in the market to buy a house. We want to retire in Seattle, in our home; not Saint Louis. So we started our search. It has been an interesting search to start.

The first house we sent a response to, looked wonderful. A few blocks from work, and businesses. Exactly what we were looking for. He sent a response, and we waited. We heard nothing for a week or so.
Last night we were up late doing some housing searches. We came across the same house again, and suggested that he look for the response in his junk folder. Well thinking Google was over doing the spam protection again we found it there.

We were a little concerned with the opening of the response and a conflict of religious views. However, he dove by the house. It looked legit, so we responded. They wanted some normal information, who are you, when you born, who will be in the house, pets, cars, occupation, previous residence, why you leaving, ect. We apologized for the delay and I can only assume he did some research.

Next thing I know I am recieving an email saying that this is all a scam. Well fuck me with a stick. Something that would have been a dream place to rent gone in just a few seconds. He continued to search and found more. So much so he sent one to me with a response that made me giggle. "Hey honey, they are doing Doctors without borders. We should watch their house for them."

It is sad that in a single moment I went from hopeful to frustated to just another wasted moment. If I have learned anything it has been two things. First, don't stress over things you don't have control over. And second, if it is too good to be true, it probably is. I guess it's back to the drawing board... On the bright side, I have the vet and dr appointment set. This isn't washed yet.... gotta keep my head up.

Am I ready?

The days are quickly counting down. About 9 weekends left, and I am truly thinking. "Am I ready?"

We bought our tickets, this week. I was able to choose the date. I thought about it, and it was a very difficult choice. I was thinking of my cat, and the stress it would put on her. So I made the decision to leave as quickly as possible. Like a band-aid just get it done, and be settled.

I hate change, and this one is HUGE! This one is moving quite far away, about 2k miles. I have to figure the time to not only spend with some friends before I leave, but also ensure that all of my loose ends are tied. That is a lot to do in about 9 weeks.

I have picked up a few things for the cat, and know that both of us need to get in for a dr appointment. So finding the time to schedule this, and get the rest of my possessions packed. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't terrified. The thought that goes through my mind is often, "Is this right?"

The last time I went there, it felt like home. It felt like I should be there. I am quite done with being lonely. I am done with only cooking dinner for myself, and having no one but myself to talk to in person. I am done with sleeping alone, and baking for co-workers. (not that I mind). I want to get that change of scenery and change of pace for life in general.

So to answer this question I keep asking myself, "Am I ready?" my answer is quite simple. "No, but I am ready for the next challenge and to have someone there to help me along." So, I will get things packed and shredded, along with getting my life put together before I go.

The Countdown Begins... NOW!

I haven't posted here in a while as things have been just crazy, and believe it or not it is just getting started. Since that cold January week a lot has transpired. I suppose I should fill you all in.

I did survive the Snowoclypse with only one fall. I was quite proud of myself! It was the very last day after all the snow had melted, and it was freezing. I had found one of the last pieces of Black Ice. Let my butt tell you how that felt. I had purchased some YakTrax the weekend before knowing that it would snow and be very icy. But because the snow had melted, I thought I didn't need them. Yeah... that was a mistake. Yes, I learned from that one.

Shortly after that, it was getting ready for these papers to be signed. At first I had no printer, no paper, no envelopes or the money to deal with this. (Let me tell you, you thought that getting married is expensive. ) We (The ex and I) finally got all the components ready, and mailed it out. In just enough time for our first target date (April 21st), but after having them come back with the statement of "I need more money for postage" I was just frustrated. I have somewhere to be people! I had to waste more stamps and an envelope to send it out AGAIN!

While waiting for those papers to get back, I started to pack and make plans for what we need to get done before Move #1. Oh yes, we get to move twice but I will get to that. We get the papers back, fairly quickly and we now have our date! It is a farther out than I expected but, we will make it work. We are now looking at May, early. I am getting excited, but then I realize it is officially 85 days today. Initiate panic mode!

We now file that one certain thing every year, Taxes. Wonderful! Yet because my and the Ex's taxes are difficult, (always have been) we go to a company whom can prepare our taxes for us. Of course because of the complexity, and extra forms it costs quite a bit. I ask how we are going to pay for it, he said he would pay for half. Fine, that is wonderful. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you, it won't be until the following week. Wonderful I think, just wonderful. The second week of the month and you are expecting me to be able to pay this AND my bills. Right! I digress.

I get it done, sent and it is now on its way should be here soon! I get half as per the state laws (even though I made most of the money last year) and we will not have to cross paths until the sign date. Now I am sitting here thinking how much stuff is on my to do list. Lets list this out.

Pack for Missouri ( The First move)

Find a house to rent

Update my resume

Get a Local Missouri number for my cell phone

Find a job

Get my Student loans deferred.

Pay for the shipping crate

Pay for the 2 vet bills (the first one for general check up, second for the flight)

Pay for the cat carrier, harness and other necessary accessories.

Pay for my Doctor visit & prescriptions

Pay for 1 round trip flight, and 1 one way with Cat carry on.

Learn a new way of eating

Still maintain my work ethic under the stress of a dying job ( I recognize a sinking ship when I see one)

Commute, and not be exhausted

Maintain my relationship with my Boyfriend.

The list goes on, not to mention that once I am there I am going to be packing once again (which there should be very little) to move into a new house. You can feel the stress from not only myself but him too. Today I said that we need to start this teamwork bit, because we are not going to make it with our sanity if we keep going this way. (Two people working separately, yet for the same cause.)

So I am asking for him to put some of his stress upon me, as I request things of him. I tend to have more free time over the weekends, between sleeping and packing. He has a sense of Saint Louis, so if I search for houses, he can approve and do a drive by ( to look at it!). We need to start saving what little coins we have, and just make this happen. I will do my best to support him even though I am so very far away. I am not completely helpless, and would rather be in, what I call, the "War zone". I mean come on Sarge, I have proven I can do my job... Just look at me! I am ready! Let me go, let me help my team mates... They need re-enforcement, I AM THAT GIRL!

I have learned that we both lead a high stress lives, and will continue to be high stress until we have a place, a job for me and take a deep breath. This is where we start... the beginning. I passed the first test, living with him for two weeks. I think I passed the second test, staying with the kids for a week, and helping with the Holidays. I think this our third. We need to start passing each other the things that you can pass off. If you have time to cook, then cook. If you have time to search flights and get them paid, do it. If I need to call the airline to ensure that My ticket has the pet fee and register that we will have a cat. I will do it. This is the time where we really show what we are made of. I think we can make it do you?

Stress will come and go, but Love is there for a long time, only if you can ask for help when it is needed. I am here for you, as you are there for me. Teamwork. We... can.. do.. this! I have faith. We just have to keep our sanity for only 85 more days, then a break. Then we start again. Lets go Sarge!

Now Leaving Saint Louis

Well another week complete and on an airplane to Seattle. I have found that this time it was quite a bit easier to leave knowing that this is the last time I have to say good bye to my love. I have tried to cry a few times but I know that I have a very long business Trip to do. He says it is only 3 months and 3 weeks. Which I know will go so fast.

So much to do this year in the first 4 months, file for divorce, Scamp to the vet, Taxes, and packing. You just don’t know how much you own until you start to purge the items that you don’t need. I look forward to knowing what I am donating and what I am keeping. I know it isn’t going to be much. I don’t have much, I will make sure that the Ex will get first dibs on items that I have to get rid of. Only fair right?

I am going to enjoy living in Saint Louis, even when we were in Iowa and it was 17 degrees out and so windy that I nearly lost my breath a few times, I was still smiles. Speaking of that trip, that was the most fun I had this year so far. My Boyfriend and I travelled all of city looking for 1 skein of Midnight Blue Yarn so that I could finish our rug. Scouring 2 Hancock’s, Joann’s, Michael’s , Walmart /and/ a Kmart we couldn’t find a single Skein! We came back home to Saint Louis and the first place we called they had it! I could work on it while travelling.

Also this trip was my test to see if I could handle being a parent. My boyfriend and I travelled from Saint Louis to Iowa. Let me tell you, travelling via car with two kids and an iPad around nap time. Not too bad. Took a nap or two on this 8 hour drive, but really it was just nice to be going with my love. Once we got there we cuddled for the night. Afterwards the week went fast, with a lot of lazy days. We had a few moments with the youngest, as she was just two. She quickly got homesick, but with the power of Skype she could see her mom.

Each night he assured me that I was doing well as a parent. I question that I will be a great one, as often I was told I was not “fun”. I may not be “fun” but I guess I don’t want to have a child disobedient. Which both were wonderful for us. But I wonder, will they always be that way? When we finally have our own home? Will they need correction? Although I did get some confidence, when one or both of them didn’t listen to me, he asked them what I said, or what did I ask. He was re-enforcing that I was a parent or at least an adult that they must listen to, It really meant a lot.

The entire trip there was many small conversations on the best way to move me to Saint Louis. When I was going to give my notice, and when I was going to give him my Resume for a possible job in the city. I look forward to all the opportunity that it gives me. Even talk with someone whom makes cakes and deals with that sort of thing. I can’t wait to just be settled again. He can’t wait either. We both just look forward to clearing out the dust.

Other events that happened, the last night in Saint Louis this time, we went out to a small Greek restaurant with some friends. Angebird, Tojosan, Nanna_J and the Boyfriend, it was great conversation, and just nice to finally meet Tojosan and Nanna_J. After dinner we got to go to Coffee Cartel and see a good friend there too. Before we went to Iowa, I got to see the Boyfriend’s best friend Versa Dave and his kidlets. I look forward to just being there so that we can hang out more often.

All in all I already miss him, and will continue to miss him. I love the city and can’t wait to come back. Don’t miss me long Saint Louis, I will be back soon! Now to get my finish my business, and pack! Where is my shredder???

Home sweet home

There was a saying that was stuck in my head since I was making my decent into Saint Louis. "home is where your heart is." and truly right now my heart is here. Don't get me wrong I love Seattle and would not trade growing up there for anything. My mum is there, my brother and family. But I have found that this place it feels homey for me. A sense of calm and that things will just be alright.

I suppose it could be that I have someone to snuggle at night, or it could be that these two kidlets are so sweet, or even the way I am welcomed in with open arms. But whatever brings me here I am just happy. I just can't wait to be here longer than a week or two at a time. But as days go by, I realize that there is so much to do. Until the day, I will think and savor each day that I am here.

We spent Christmas with the kids at their mums house and it was a hard sleep but well worth seeing their faces light up when they unwrapped each gift. She got some Tinkerbell and he got some Legos. I got a lovely necklace from his son. I could have just melted. When we went to have our big Christmas at their grandparents house more toys and cute things.

The three days before Christmas were the same, a little thing here and a little thing there. New traditions, and a lot of old. I look forward to starting our own traditions in our house. A living Christmas tree, and stockings, even baking cookies for everyone. Now we are at the boyfriend's brother's house with the kids. We spend each day chilling out, and getting pretty much nothing accomplished. But that is ok, because we both took vacation.

I am not sure if I could have asked for a better bunch of people to be with, but certainly it has made me smile. Little steps in the right direction will make a smile last a lifetime. It's not about how fast you get there as long as you are happy on the way. The thing I have learned so far is that life isn't about a smooth road to travel but the end destination.... I think. Either way I am spending my holiday with people that care.