Two Weeks to go!

So much emotion running through right now. I have two weeks to go, until our move date. My love and I are looking forward to it. The start of something new, and fresh.

To catch everyone up, we found a place in Creve Coeur, Missouri. A wonderful 3 bedroom town house. It isn't perfect but as we both believe, we are not perfect. It seems to be cozy, and has it's quirks but it is home. He moved in last week, and in two weeks I will be moving in with my cat.

I have a second interview with the first company that I have decided to place my application with. They know I need some help and learning with Linux, and a little with the command line in Windows, but I have the basics. I am intelligent, and know what I am talking about. Now to attempt to nail the second interview once I am in town.

I am not sure if this move has been harder on my friends than on myself. Trying to do the last minute things, seeing people and things that I have wanted to. I shouldn't thing think this is goodbye but yet, I will be back. I know that I am coming back home. It will be awhile, but I suppose I never thought I would leave Seattle. But after being here for about 27 years, I am thinking it is time to explore.

Nearly done packing, getting everything ready. This is my last week of solid packing, and today I found something that I thought I had lost. When I was in high school my grandfather started writing a book about his trucking. My grandfather was a trucker, nearly life long trucker. He was proud of his accomplishments, and being able to see all continental 49 states. The only ones he didn't get to see with his trucking was Alaska and Hawaii (no roads to Hawaii).

His death came this year, it was expected but still somewhat sudden. I hadn't seen him in years, since I was in High School. I had just received the pamphlet that was given out for his funeral, but finding his book. It makes me think of how much I know I am going to miss him. My grandfather, a wonder of no belief, a strong soul., a worker and someone whom did not show fear to change. As I go forward, and explore the US and the World, I can't help to think that I am like him in some way, a traveler. I am going to create memories that will last me a long time.

Two weeks until I make my biggest jump ever, I am ready, I have been ready and truly look forward to the adventure. Thank you everyone that supports me!

Four weeks to go!

Well we are in the final four weeks of our count down. Everything is just starting to fall into  place. Which I have no complaints about, we need things to be smooth.

I put my application into a company for a tier 2. We had scheduled an interview, but it had to be rescheduled. In the mean time I have been studying my little heart out. I have wonderful friends, and an even better partner to help. I got the call Monday to have it scheduled for Wednesday. I..am..terrified! I want this to work out, be somewhat easy... I have this feeling it wont be.

We have been searching for apartments as of late. We found quite a few but two caught our eye. We applied, and we were accepted on one, waiting to hear back on the second. We want the second place more than the first... But with things stacked against us, we will work it out.

So lets check list here,
Job- interview tomorrow
House- got one hiring hoping for the other
Packed- about 85% done.
Cat- ready for flight, last appointment scheduled
Notice on current place- check, have balance
My health checkup- check, prescriptions refilled
Sanity- lost that months ago
Stress level-out of control
Flight tickets-purchased
Rental car-not yet working on it
The relocube- reserved, will need to call soon.
Legal papers-will sign soon

I am so ready to go. I feel like I am playing Tetris. I am placing them where they should go but afraid it won't work. I have faith that things will work. I am sure. More updates soon!

Bumps, and Lumps; Ups and Downs

After a week of focusing on one... we find out that it is not meant to be. I believe that if you work at it and you still do not get what you are reaching for, it was not meant to be. You can't help but plan what it will like if you achieved your goal, and have your heart set on just one. However, when you are shot down not once but twice, it is just heart breaking.

This goes for just about everything I have learned. A job, a house, a life, and a material item, all the same in many ways. If you do not put forth the energy then it does not get accomplished. Mind you, we both right now are running out of steam, and fuel. Our daily energy is that of a barely making it feeling. I know that I am barely surviving knowing and breathing that there is a light at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel. I sometimes wonder how he feels.

I had said once before that a long distance relationship is not for the weak of heart. Each day since I last saw him, it gets harder. I sometimes wonder if I am going forward because of my own drive or for that of another. Terrified of change, Tired from the lack of restful sleep, and just worried that something is going to go wrong. My everyday has become that last sprint. Planning, preparing, packing, and existing.

This week we may have already lost what could have been a wonderful thing. Then I ask, was it meant to be? Was it just another step to something bigger, better or just what we need. I am not about living beyond my means, or proving that I have something that you don't. I want to be comfortable. I want to come home to my mate, whom welcomes me with open arms and kisses. A cold empty house is not the life for me.

I proved to myself that I could survive, and live on my own. Something that I had never done before. It is quite an accomplishment. I however, wish I could do more. I need to re-charge.. no WE need to re-charge. We need to put our feet on the ground and take a look at the time keeper and get ready. I may be out of shape but damn it we will make that finish line. We will be out of breath, tired but I believe that after we get through these hurdles. We can make anything happen.

I submitted my resume, and we will continue our search. The one thing that we need to keep in mind... Anything is possible. This is the time where we pick each other up and encourage that this finish line isn't far away. We will make a home wherever the fates believe we should be.

Excuse me, it's my decision.

I shouldn't have to feel like I have to apologize for my decision to move. I am striving to make myself happier by moving closer to a loved one. I am quitting a job that makes me kinda happy for a job that will make me happier. I am moving from my little nest to an overall happier life. I am working towards a better me.

Why is it when I work towards something that makes me happy everyone gets in a tizzies because "Oh gods you are moving away!" Or "Oh gods she is changing!". Really people every one strives to make the life you live happy. I shouldn't have to justify it. I shouldn't have to feel like an apology should be in order.

When I weighed my choices, and what was good for me this was it. I am in my late 20's, I don't live forever. I want to explore, I want to be fucking happy. I have someone whom supports me for who I am. Someone who shares in the workload of life, who believes in the same work ethic, and believes in the same ideas of what a sex life should be. someone I don't have to scrafice the important things to, because he understands.

I have made mistakes in my life. It is not easy to make myself believe that "it will be ok" because the road is not always smooth. It takes violent turns and it isn't always roses. But I do my best to make decisions that will help me and not harm. Right now I am causing more harm than help. Let me help myself damn it, don't hold me down and smother me.

What ever happened to the belief of "And it cause no harm, do as you will"? Is this not valid for my life changing event? I will not apologize for my choices. I will not make excuses because I am going to truly live. Adventure, love, and believe that I will make dreams come true. With sweat and tears I will make things happen, and by my side someone that supports me.

Be mad, be sad, be unhappy, be happy, be whatever emotion you decide fitting. I will listen to my heart and intuition. Just know that it's my decision. I am making my world happy! If you don't like it then obviously you don't understand. Don't make me feel like I have to apologize for my decisions, it's just not right. Thanks for listening.

Stress, snow, and scams

This week has started out less than prefect. Lately I have been worrying about things that have been out of my control.

I have issue with perfection. I am a self proclaimed perfectionist. I will do everything in my power to ensure that I will accomplish a task in a timely manner. We have been short staffed at work. With a ton of new customers each week we have been struggling to keep up.

My own policy is to ensure that every one of my tickets are touched. But when you are thrown more and not allow me to assess the situation I become overwhelmed and stressed out. I am nearly always stressed out, just by nature. If I am overwhelmed I can't cope as well. I have learned over time to breathe, but there are still moments.

Spring is coming! Not only are there flowers blooming but there is snow falling. The past three days we have had snow. Not the amounts that we had in january, but enough to make people freak out. We even had one of my favorite type of storm. A wind storm. A kept thinking about my boyfriend, being cuddled letting the wind take us. I really hope Saint Louis has the same, and not involving tornados.

Lastly, we have been searching for houses to rent. We have been using a wonderful website called "Pad Mapper". It helps you find places that you could rent or buy. We are not in the market to buy a house. We want to retire in Seattle, in our home; not Saint Louis. So we started our search. It has been an interesting search to start.

The first house we sent a response to, looked wonderful. A few blocks from work, and businesses. Exactly what we were looking for. He sent a response, and we waited. We heard nothing for a week or so.
Last night we were up late doing some housing searches. We came across the same house again, and suggested that he look for the response in his junk folder. Well thinking Google was over doing the spam protection again we found it there.

We were a little concerned with the opening of the response and a conflict of religious views. However, he dove by the house. It looked legit, so we responded. They wanted some normal information, who are you, when you born, who will be in the house, pets, cars, occupation, previous residence, why you leaving, ect. We apologized for the delay and I can only assume he did some research.

Next thing I know I am recieving an email saying that this is all a scam. Well fuck me with a stick. Something that would have been a dream place to rent gone in just a few seconds. He continued to search and found more. So much so he sent one to me with a response that made me giggle. "Hey honey, they are doing Doctors without borders. We should watch their house for them."

It is sad that in a single moment I went from hopeful to frustated to just another wasted moment. If I have learned anything it has been two things. First, don't stress over things you don't have control over. And second, if it is too good to be true, it probably is. I guess it's back to the drawing board... On the bright side, I have the vet and dr appointment set. This isn't washed yet.... gotta keep my head up.

In Sickness and Independence

This week was one I was dreading for quite awhile. Not because it was a special week by any means. It was the week I got sick.

The sickness was a common cold but with me I am stubborn and I knew it was going to catch up with me. I hate being sick, and I hate missing work even more. (Especially when I know I am not getting paid) But this week I did catch that common cold that had been going around and boy did it knock me out.

The beginning of the week I believed it was allergies. Spring is coming and I know that I have a few allergies her and there. But after a few days it just got worse. With little or no sleep (about 6 or less hours of it a day) I knew that it was going to get me this weekend. I made do with tissues and Alieve Cold and Sinus ( my saviour most times) but this time it didn't work.

I finally on Friday threw in the towel and just called it a day. I called in sick, and was able to just sleep the day away. I had no night time drugs to help me sleep, and wearily I texted my neighbor (my old high school friend) to see if he had some I could use. He responded saying he did indeed have some and would be right over.

This week really showed me how much I hate being sick, and how much I had to fight to be well again. There were moments, I would have appreciated to have wheels or someone to take care of me. Getting the phone calls from not only the Boyfriend, but from my mum as well it made me feel just a little better.

After an entire day of sleep and soup I decided that Saturday I would just get out of the house. I figured some well deserved Vitamin D was in order. I hopped a bus and made a day of it. Pho, Coffee, and a stop at the drug store I was on my way to feeling better. It was when I got home I could tell I was still on the mend. I crawled into pj's and took a wonderful nap.

I woke up to my phone ringing to the tune of Black Eyed Peas' "Time of my Life", it was the Boyfriend. I couldn't help but smile. I answered in a sort of Groggy state, to his voice, and then shortly after, two other little voices. They were calling to check on me. I hadn't eaten dinner yet and it was about that time. We spent a few moments talking and it just made my night. It was like falling asleep and having a Lovie come over and kiss my lips to wake me, or having two kids crawl into bed with you in the morning. A moment I ever wonder if I will experience.

Then today, I saw that he and the kids went to see the newest Studio Ghibli movie that was in theaters. "The Secret World of Arrietty" I wanted to see it too, so I decided to take my self to a movie. I have never been to a Movie alone before, it was quite the experience. I enjoyed it the same. I had also walked the few blocks to do a few last errands before going home.

There is one thing that I loved about today, is the sense of Independence I had. The ability to just do what I wanted, and feel I could go anywhere. If there are two things I hope that I can accomplish after I move it is this. I hope that I don't have be sick and alone again, but if I am I would rather be sick and independent. Just as well, I hope that there will be moments where I can just go out, and walk somewhere. Hop a bus, or some other mode of transportation and just explore.

I love to explore new places, and today was one of those exploring days. This week was lonely, but yet I feel a certain calm about it. I did this by my self, with those who love me around to help support. I may be by myself for the next few months, but I am not alone. I am a little stronger today for it, because today I did something for myself. I also enjoyed every moment.

Missing You; Skype to the Rescue?

Another rough week has been had for both of us. The stress of not seeing each other is really taking it's toll. It goes right back down to the little things. That lovely kiss, that want to come snuggle your love, the need to be there to help make them feel better when they are not feeling well. It also is the stress of our jobs, and this planning of not only my move but "Our" move.

Every day it adds to the stress and desire to no longer be homesick. I have deemed this feeling we have, this missing you and need you here right now feeling to be called "Lovie-Sick". Homesick to the next level? It's not going to be the next "new" word in Webster's Dictionary, but it means something to the pair of us.

I can tell you that there are moments where you are like, "I should enjoy this alone time now, because I won't get as much later." but really right now, I want... no ... he wants.... no... WE Both need that physical touch. That small kiss from time to time, that simple caress on your cheek. I am not even mentioning the sex. Because really it isn't all about that... It really is all about just the intimate, up close and loving moments.

It has been nearly 2 months since I was last in his arms. I miss that feeling. I won't deny that I kinda wish I could just fly out spend a weekend, or maybe a little longer and only come back because I have to sign papers. But I am responsible, I want to be in the state for those papers. There are nights that I often wonder if it is my fault, that I didn't do this sooner. But that is another topic for another day.

He was "Lovie-Sick" and I knew that proverbial bug was trying to bite me too. I remembered when his then Two year old, now three year old was getting Home sick while we were at his brother's house. He thought it a wonderful idea to Skype and talk to their Mom, and her boyfriend. She felt better, and it helped ease the time apart.

I figure if Lovie-Sick was the same or similar to homesick the same treatment would help. I mean it is a Logical step yes? Mind you we Skype and we talk all the time, there are many occasions where we talk until we fall asleep. (I really enjoy those nights, it makes me feel very close to him, even though he is over 2k miles away) But lately we have not been Skyping with video, because most of the time, it is bed time ( and lights are evil).

He liked the idea and we spent a few moments just chatting, and smiling. Even blowing silly lovie kisses, things you just can't do over a voice channel. I was eating dinner, and he doing some laundry. Mundane things but still a moment that can't be forgotten so quickly.

Yesterday we spoke to a few friends whom are trying the Long Distance route to find a loved one. The one thing that we tell them, it is hard... very, very, very hard. It is a lot about communication, love, and finding those simple moments to do the little things like Video chat. Today's technology has brought a lot of people together, and with a video chat, and clients that support this, can make it easier. But you can't keep substituting internet and virtual kisses for real ones. It is much better to be in their arms. But at least it can help.

Today, Skype helped a little to ease the pain of my loved one being so far away. I just have to keep counting the days. They will come in very short order.

The Countdown Begins... NOW!

I haven't posted here in a while as things have been just crazy, and believe it or not it is just getting started. Since that cold January week a lot has transpired. I suppose I should fill you all in.

I did survive the Snowoclypse with only one fall. I was quite proud of myself! It was the very last day after all the snow had melted, and it was freezing. I had found one of the last pieces of Black Ice. Let my butt tell you how that felt. I had purchased some YakTrax the weekend before knowing that it would snow and be very icy. But because the snow had melted, I thought I didn't need them. Yeah... that was a mistake. Yes, I learned from that one.

Shortly after that, it was getting ready for these papers to be signed. At first I had no printer, no paper, no envelopes or the money to deal with this. (Let me tell you, you thought that getting married is expensive. ) We (The ex and I) finally got all the components ready, and mailed it out. In just enough time for our first target date (April 21st), but after having them come back with the statement of "I need more money for postage" I was just frustrated. I have somewhere to be people! I had to waste more stamps and an envelope to send it out AGAIN!

While waiting for those papers to get back, I started to pack and make plans for what we need to get done before Move #1. Oh yes, we get to move twice but I will get to that. We get the papers back, fairly quickly and we now have our date! It is a farther out than I expected but, we will make it work. We are now looking at May, early. I am getting excited, but then I realize it is officially 85 days today. Initiate panic mode!

We now file that one certain thing every year, Taxes. Wonderful! Yet because my and the Ex's taxes are difficult, (always have been) we go to a company whom can prepare our taxes for us. Of course because of the complexity, and extra forms it costs quite a bit. I ask how we are going to pay for it, he said he would pay for half. Fine, that is wonderful. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you, it won't be until the following week. Wonderful I think, just wonderful. The second week of the month and you are expecting me to be able to pay this AND my bills. Right! I digress.

I get it done, sent and it is now on its way should be here soon! I get half as per the state laws (even though I made most of the money last year) and we will not have to cross paths until the sign date. Now I am sitting here thinking how much stuff is on my to do list. Lets list this out.

Pack for Missouri ( The First move)

Find a house to rent

Update my resume

Get a Local Missouri number for my cell phone

Find a job

Get my Student loans deferred.

Pay for the shipping crate

Pay for the 2 vet bills (the first one for general check up, second for the flight)

Pay for the cat carrier, harness and other necessary accessories.

Pay for my Doctor visit & prescriptions

Pay for 1 round trip flight, and 1 one way with Cat carry on.

Learn a new way of eating

Still maintain my work ethic under the stress of a dying job ( I recognize a sinking ship when I see one)

Commute, and not be exhausted

Maintain my relationship with my Boyfriend.

The list goes on, not to mention that once I am there I am going to be packing once again (which there should be very little) to move into a new house. You can feel the stress from not only myself but him too. Today I said that we need to start this teamwork bit, because we are not going to make it with our sanity if we keep going this way. (Two people working separately, yet for the same cause.)

So I am asking for him to put some of his stress upon me, as I request things of him. I tend to have more free time over the weekends, between sleeping and packing. He has a sense of Saint Louis, so if I search for houses, he can approve and do a drive by ( to look at it!). We need to start saving what little coins we have, and just make this happen. I will do my best to support him even though I am so very far away. I am not completely helpless, and would rather be in, what I call, the "War zone". I mean come on Sarge, I have proven I can do my job... Just look at me! I am ready! Let me go, let me help my team mates... They need re-enforcement, I AM THAT GIRL!

I have learned that we both lead a high stress lives, and will continue to be high stress until we have a place, a job for me and take a deep breath. This is where we start... the beginning. I passed the first test, living with him for two weeks. I think I passed the second test, staying with the kids for a week, and helping with the Holidays. I think this our third. We need to start passing each other the things that you can pass off. If you have time to cook, then cook. If you have time to search flights and get them paid, do it. If I need to call the airline to ensure that My ticket has the pet fee and register that we will have a cat. I will do it. This is the time where we really show what we are made of. I think we can make it do you?

Stress will come and go, but Love is there for a long time, only if you can ask for help when it is needed. I am here for you, as you are there for me. Teamwork. We... can.. do.. this! I have faith. We just have to keep our sanity for only 85 more days, then a break. Then we start again. Lets go Sarge!

Now Leaving Saint Louis

Well another week complete and on an airplane to Seattle. I have found that this time it was quite a bit easier to leave knowing that this is the last time I have to say good bye to my love. I have tried to cry a few times but I know that I have a very long business Trip to do. He says it is only 3 months and 3 weeks. Which I know will go so fast.

So much to do this year in the first 4 months, file for divorce, Scamp to the vet, Taxes, and packing. You just don’t know how much you own until you start to purge the items that you don’t need. I look forward to knowing what I am donating and what I am keeping. I know it isn’t going to be much. I don’t have much, I will make sure that the Ex will get first dibs on items that I have to get rid of. Only fair right?

I am going to enjoy living in Saint Louis, even when we were in Iowa and it was 17 degrees out and so windy that I nearly lost my breath a few times, I was still smiles. Speaking of that trip, that was the most fun I had this year so far. My Boyfriend and I travelled all of city looking for 1 skein of Midnight Blue Yarn so that I could finish our rug. Scouring 2 Hancock’s, Joann’s, Michael’s , Walmart /and/ a Kmart we couldn’t find a single Skein! We came back home to Saint Louis and the first place we called they had it! I could work on it while travelling.

Also this trip was my test to see if I could handle being a parent. My boyfriend and I travelled from Saint Louis to Iowa. Let me tell you, travelling via car with two kids and an iPad around nap time. Not too bad. Took a nap or two on this 8 hour drive, but really it was just nice to be going with my love. Once we got there we cuddled for the night. Afterwards the week went fast, with a lot of lazy days. We had a few moments with the youngest, as she was just two. She quickly got homesick, but with the power of Skype she could see her mom.

Each night he assured me that I was doing well as a parent. I question that I will be a great one, as often I was told I was not “fun”. I may not be “fun” but I guess I don’t want to have a child disobedient. Which both were wonderful for us. But I wonder, will they always be that way? When we finally have our own home? Will they need correction? Although I did get some confidence, when one or both of them didn’t listen to me, he asked them what I said, or what did I ask. He was re-enforcing that I was a parent or at least an adult that they must listen to, It really meant a lot.

The entire trip there was many small conversations on the best way to move me to Saint Louis. When I was going to give my notice, and when I was going to give him my Resume for a possible job in the city. I look forward to all the opportunity that it gives me. Even talk with someone whom makes cakes and deals with that sort of thing. I can’t wait to just be settled again. He can’t wait either. We both just look forward to clearing out the dust.

Other events that happened, the last night in Saint Louis this time, we went out to a small Greek restaurant with some friends. Angebird, Tojosan, Nanna_J and the Boyfriend, it was great conversation, and just nice to finally meet Tojosan and Nanna_J. After dinner we got to go to Coffee Cartel and see a good friend there too. Before we went to Iowa, I got to see the Boyfriend’s best friend Versa Dave and his kidlets. I look forward to just being there so that we can hang out more often.

All in all I already miss him, and will continue to miss him. I love the city and can’t wait to come back. Don’t miss me long Saint Louis, I will be back soon! Now to get my finish my business, and pack! Where is my shredder???

I Am Happy and Nothing You Can Do Can Change It

There are a lot of times where I second guess myself. I have done this so many times in my life. I second guess my baking. I second guess my troubleshooting. I second guessed my degree. I even second guessed my major life choices, Divorce and my move.

I keep telling myself that if it feels right then it /IS/ right. When there is no directions, you have to make your own map. That is what I did, I made my own map. I consulted a few friends, and even consulted a few cards. Once I left I didn't think of going back. I had lost all feelings I may have had.

I have done wrong in my life. I know that I may have hurt a few. However, I made the decision and I have to deal with it. I was wondering what story was being told... and now I have found out. I found out the hard way. Thankfully it was through other channels but still I knew the story and wish he wouldn't take this road.

I am young. I am stupid. and I may be blonde. But when I have people asking me if I am okay... EVERY SINGLE DAY... You tend to wonder. "Am I really okay?"

I wasn't okay. I wasn't all right. I am happy with my decision and that is that. Forgive me or not. I only want to be happy, and right now I am the happiest I have been in a very long while. Even in the long distance relationship, when I am with him, when I am talking with him, I smile, I laugh I giggle.

I love this feeling. It could be the Honeymooners syndrome of our relationship. But even with the two weeks we were still functioning normally, as if we had been living with each other for a year or more. It was nice.

Regardless, I am thankful that the story came out. I can at least brace myself for it next time. And even at that... I keep telling myself that My Cookie Monster will stand by my side just as my family will. Because right now... I am happy, and I don't wanna change it.

How many days until Yule?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I realized I think Wednesday this week that I only have less than two weeks until Yule (well Christmas, Yule is LESS!) I talked to the boyfriend to find out the list yesterday to find out that I have to ship the Yule gifts to Missouri! I have about 7 families to provide baked goods for! SEVEN!

I could not believe that once again I procrastinated Yule. You can't bake that much in such a short amount of time! I mean I will do it because I care about giving people good yummy baked goods but I can't do as much as I normally do. I told the boyfriend that we must remember earlier like right after Thanksgiving to start my baking fest.

The holidays snuck up on both of us this year. Next thing I know it is Thanksgiving, and then My birthday. Then its Yule, then Christmas, then OMG 2012! (I kinda hope that Father Christmas gives me a paper shredder this year! )

Speaking of the Holidays, I am starting a new tradition this year. I am actually traveling this year. I in my now 28 years have never flown during the Holidays. Most of my family is here in Washington, and I just spend it with them. But this year, I am spending the Christmas Holiday with my Boyfriend's family. I hope that it will be special, and well with my time. I love the change and hope that it continues until I find my settle point.

I have now 7 days to finish at least 13 pumpkin breads, and a few dozen cookies per each type. This week will be a crazy one! I will try to post some pictures of my Yule Gifts!

It isn't GoodBye... It's See you in 3 weeks.

Two weeks fly when you are just so comfortable. I am not sure how to describe the past two weeks except than I felt complete for the first time since I moved out. We worked well, and truly enjoyed each others company. We even started our own new traditions. I just hope that we can keep them up each year.

It was nice to not have to worry about anything but work, and what was for dinner. Knowing and having someone to go home to every night, and kiss in the morning was divine. He got all thumbs up from everyone he met, and even joked around with Mama Kitty. Also to have someone to commute with in the Mornings and Evenings... that was very nice.

We got to go Karaoke, and spend a dinner with Mama Kitty and Dad, have a meal with my Little brother, and even cooked a turkey. Our first turkey by ourselves, it was NOM! Even celebrated my Birthday (which is coming quickly) every here and there. Birthday and Yule pressies, just I couldn't have asked for anything better. Oh and we can't forget the bubble snow that we experienced at Bell Square Mall.

But when you get to last night, there was nothing I could do but to cry. To have someone that you love and cherish with you for the time to have them go away again. I will say this is the hardest relationship I have been in. Not because of how we meld and work, it is mostly because even though we visit... it is the leaving each other that hurts the most.

I have to keep reminding myself it is only 18 days until I see him again, then once that visit is done I will have about 107 before we will meet again. But as he said last night, we have to take it one day at a time. Even though there is SO much to do, we will accomplish each in turn. Just knowing that I have only one of these painful days left it is truly something to look forward to.