New years resolutions

Its that time of year again when everyone makes some sort of resolution. There are so many things that I could resolve to to this year, but why accomplish or strain to do them all. I thought very long and hard about the resolutions for 2012, the one that sticks out the most? That would be to be happy.

So much I have done to make others happy and waited to satisfy my own needs, that I can't just sacrafice myself for others. It may be my nature but I can't just keep killing myself this way. I just spent the last 10 years waiting, I don't want to wait anymore. This year is a huge one for me. A finalized divorce, a cross country move and a new way to think of the world around me.

This move to Saint Loius is huge, my first time living out of the Seattle area. My mother isn't happy, but I know she wants me to be free. I will admit I am a little scared to move so far from home. But really in order to accomplish something big you need to take chances. And this is my chance. I can't wait to be here, a just settle down. I think that there is so much to accomplish that I know that it will be awkward at first. But I will manage.

So much the way I think is based on the future. I really hope that my love can keep up.

My list for 2012 is the following
~ Be happy. Things will get you down, but you have to pick yourself up and brush yourself off to just keep on going.
~ Eat healthy. Make good choices and walk. Try to only have a soda a day, drink more water, and coffee with non fat milk.
~ Don't wait on your dreams. In any case chase dreams when all possible.
~ Write more, and socialize when I can. Blogging and making myself be a little more outgoing. Exploring things that I have never done.

I don't want to make it long just achievable. I do know that this last year I did accomplish one, I have started on the path to happiness. Thank you for all my listening. Until next year! .

Home sweet home

There was a saying that was stuck in my head since I was making my decent into Saint Louis. "home is where your heart is." and truly right now my heart is here. Don't get me wrong I love Seattle and would not trade growing up there for anything. My mum is there, my brother and family. But I have found that this place it feels homey for me. A sense of calm and that things will just be alright.

I suppose it could be that I have someone to snuggle at night, or it could be that these two kidlets are so sweet, or even the way I am welcomed in with open arms. But whatever brings me here I am just happy. I just can't wait to be here longer than a week or two at a time. But as days go by, I realize that there is so much to do. Until the day, I will think and savor each day that I am here.

We spent Christmas with the kids at their mums house and it was a hard sleep but well worth seeing their faces light up when they unwrapped each gift. She got some Tinkerbell and he got some Legos. I got a lovely necklace from his son. I could have just melted. When we went to have our big Christmas at their grandparents house more toys and cute things.

The three days before Christmas were the same, a little thing here and a little thing there. New traditions, and a lot of old. I look forward to starting our own traditions in our house. A living Christmas tree, and stockings, even baking cookies for everyone. Now we are at the boyfriend's brother's house with the kids. We spend each day chilling out, and getting pretty much nothing accomplished. But that is ok, because we both took vacation.

I am not sure if I could have asked for a better bunch of people to be with, but certainly it has made me smile. Little steps in the right direction will make a smile last a lifetime. It's not about how fast you get there as long as you are happy on the way. The thing I have learned so far is that life isn't about a smooth road to travel but the end destination.... I think. Either way I am spending my holiday with people that care.

I Am Happy and Nothing You Can Do Can Change It

There are a lot of times where I second guess myself. I have done this so many times in my life. I second guess my baking. I second guess my troubleshooting. I second guessed my degree. I even second guessed my major life choices, Divorce and my move.

I keep telling myself that if it feels right then it /IS/ right. When there is no directions, you have to make your own map. That is what I did, I made my own map. I consulted a few friends, and even consulted a few cards. Once I left I didn't think of going back. I had lost all feelings I may have had.

I have done wrong in my life. I know that I may have hurt a few. However, I made the decision and I have to deal with it. I was wondering what story was being told... and now I have found out. I found out the hard way. Thankfully it was through other channels but still I knew the story and wish he wouldn't take this road.

I am young. I am stupid. and I may be blonde. But when I have people asking me if I am okay... EVERY SINGLE DAY... You tend to wonder. "Am I really okay?"

I wasn't okay. I wasn't all right. I am happy with my decision and that is that. Forgive me or not. I only want to be happy, and right now I am the happiest I have been in a very long while. Even in the long distance relationship, when I am with him, when I am talking with him, I smile, I laugh I giggle.

I love this feeling. It could be the Honeymooners syndrome of our relationship. But even with the two weeks we were still functioning normally, as if we had been living with each other for a year or more. It was nice.

Regardless, I am thankful that the story came out. I can at least brace myself for it next time. And even at that... I keep telling myself that My Cookie Monster will stand by my side just as my family will. Because right now... I am happy, and I don't wanna change it.

Yuletide and the Lunar Eclipse

As I wait for coffee to brew I thought to stop a moment to tell you a few things I learned today.

This morning was my second Lunar Eclipse that I actively seeked and wanted to take photos of. It was beautiful to see her starting to fade, like an entire month in just a few hours. But as I was darting in and out of the cold I decided that it was time to just bundle up and watch it.

As I got ready I turned on my first Yule tide song of the season. I enjoy the instrumental kind, and thankfully Pandora has a station for that. I bundled up in my new Yule Hello Kitty fleece pants, snowflake slipper socks, Hello Kitty Slippers, a light blue tank to match my pants, a Fleece jacket, a shawl my mother made me and my finger-less gloves. I took my phone and loaded the same Pandora station and out I went with camera in hand.

I got to the top of the stairs in search of Luna, and she was not to be found. Hidden behind clouds, and obstructed from view. I couldn't give up searching for her, I looked and walked across the property in search of her, but alas after nearly a half hour had gone past. The chill was settling in my cheeks, I decided after writing a note to my love I would call it a morning.

But during this time, my search for a Luna I took a few moments to look around. There were cars and no other person but I saw maybe two. Too early for everyone to be awake on a Saturday. The ice was upon the ground, and the beauty of how still it was. It hasn't snowed yet here. And though I hate traveling in it, and I hate being cold. I wouldn't miss that first snow for the world.

The amazement that you get out of white fluff falling from the sky. It's Breathtaking. I came here to tell you what I have discovered. Beyond the Holiday shopping, the Yuletide gifts, and the crazy frustrated people there is peace. There is beauty, and alas there is such gifts that you only get from nature. Take a moment a single moment to realize that even though the big businesses believe that Yule is about profits, and the gift giving, it really isn't about that. It is about the peace that you see, and the family you are around.

I am thankful for this Yule I will be experiencing something special. I will be flying out to visit my boyfriend and his family and kids family. I get to spend it with my own family. I just get to spend this time with people, that care about me as I care about them. I may get to see the beauty of snow upon the ground and watch his kids play in such. I look forward to this Yule, as I really expect wonderful things.

Thank you Lady Luna for your view today. I am sorry I missed you become dark but know that I look forward to you every eve with your sister stars. You m'lady are an amazement in itself. So please take this moment to just feel at home, and even take a moment to experience your loved ones. Blessed Be this Yuletide season.

How many days until Yule?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I realized I think Wednesday this week that I only have less than two weeks until Yule (well Christmas, Yule is LESS!) I talked to the boyfriend to find out the list yesterday to find out that I have to ship the Yule gifts to Missouri! I have about 7 families to provide baked goods for! SEVEN!

I could not believe that once again I procrastinated Yule. You can't bake that much in such a short amount of time! I mean I will do it because I care about giving people good yummy baked goods but I can't do as much as I normally do. I told the boyfriend that we must remember earlier like right after Thanksgiving to start my baking fest.

The holidays snuck up on both of us this year. Next thing I know it is Thanksgiving, and then My birthday. Then its Yule, then Christmas, then OMG 2012! (I kinda hope that Father Christmas gives me a paper shredder this year! )

Speaking of the Holidays, I am starting a new tradition this year. I am actually traveling this year. I in my now 28 years have never flown during the Holidays. Most of my family is here in Washington, and I just spend it with them. But this year, I am spending the Christmas Holiday with my Boyfriend's family. I hope that it will be special, and well with my time. I love the change and hope that it continues until I find my settle point.

I have now 7 days to finish at least 13 pumpkin breads, and a few dozen cookies per each type. This week will be a crazy one! I will try to post some pictures of my Yule Gifts!

It isn't GoodBye... It's See you in 3 weeks.

Two weeks fly when you are just so comfortable. I am not sure how to describe the past two weeks except than I felt complete for the first time since I moved out. We worked well, and truly enjoyed each others company. We even started our own new traditions. I just hope that we can keep them up each year.

It was nice to not have to worry about anything but work, and what was for dinner. Knowing and having someone to go home to every night, and kiss in the morning was divine. He got all thumbs up from everyone he met, and even joked around with Mama Kitty. Also to have someone to commute with in the Mornings and Evenings... that was very nice.

We got to go Karaoke, and spend a dinner with Mama Kitty and Dad, have a meal with my Little brother, and even cooked a turkey. Our first turkey by ourselves, it was NOM! Even celebrated my Birthday (which is coming quickly) every here and there. Birthday and Yule pressies, just I couldn't have asked for anything better. Oh and we can't forget the bubble snow that we experienced at Bell Square Mall.

But when you get to last night, there was nothing I could do but to cry. To have someone that you love and cherish with you for the time to have them go away again. I will say this is the hardest relationship I have been in. Not because of how we meld and work, it is mostly because even though we visit... it is the leaving each other that hurts the most.

I have to keep reminding myself it is only 18 days until I see him again, then once that visit is done I will have about 107 before we will meet again. But as he said last night, we have to take it one day at a time. Even though there is SO much to do, we will accomplish each in turn. Just knowing that I have only one of these painful days left it is truly something to look forward to.