Week two in Missouri

It's been two weeks now since I had moved to the Saint Louis area. It has been the most fast paced two weeks you could ever imagine. A lot has happened since I have last posted so I guess a brief re-cap might be in order.

The last week of work was painful yet, very rewarding. Got to talk to a few familiar clients and got to close quite a few tickets. There were a few tickets that were unresolved but I knew they were in good hands. The last day, I did cry. I knew I was going to be doing something bigger and better, but I just knew that I wasn't going to see these guys again. My name tag was stolen, my very last day, and it was just very emotional. I didn't go drinking that night with the crew because, no one was going to show and I just wanted to go home, buy pizza and drink some beer.

The last weekend was a crazy one, with divorce papers, signed, and seeing a few friends over the weekend. It was just a lot of catching up. Monday, I went to see my best friend, Ferret, and her kidlet. Tuesday that week my lovie flew into town, and the cube got dropped off. Then on it was a blur, with dinner dates, and moving and packing. Uncomfortable beds, and empty houses. Threats that were made, and closure on everything.

Time flew too fast, and on the Friday before I left, I knew who my true friends were. Other than Ferret, and Fox, ( because they had kids) of course. 7 of my closest friends came down and we sang together. Drank, and sang. It was one of the best nights ever. A lot of hugs and sad good byes later, and I was nursing the drunk feeling afterwards.

Saturday came waaay too early, but we cleaned the house, and packed up our things, and the cat and off we went. Running a little later than we liked but we made it on time. We went through security quite well. The cat did very well, a few maintenance mews, and everything was just fine. We got to Saint Louis and was picked up by some in-law family, and made it home. The kids were here when we arrived, and with a distressed cat, she said her hellos and then hid in our closet for a few hours. Once things got quiet she came out and snuggled us for a little bit.

The first week was quite busy as well, moving things around getting prepared for the shipment of my possessions, getting the essentials that we needed, and everything all at once. Explored the surrounding area, and ensured that we knew what we were looking forward to. Quite a bit of new and exciting scenery. Also it is an area of town that he is not too familiar with, so we are still learning.

The second week has been very quiet, making dinner at home, and moving my possessions around, and unpacking my kitchen and such. So far it has been very labor intensive and just tedious. We are still making the necessary changes to the house to make it a warmer home. I look forward to making this house a home for at least a few years, until we find a place that fits our style a little more than what we have now.

Next week I am in full scale job hunting. I didn't get the position that I applied for but as my mum always said, "If at first you don't succeed, try try again." Until we speak again!

Lots of love!

Excuse me, it's my decision.

I shouldn't have to feel like I have to apologize for my decision to move. I am striving to make myself happier by moving closer to a loved one. I am quitting a job that makes me kinda happy for a job that will make me happier. I am moving from my little nest to an overall happier life. I am working towards a better me.

Why is it when I work towards something that makes me happy everyone gets in a tizzies because "Oh gods you are moving away!" Or "Oh gods she is changing!". Really people every one strives to make the life you live happy. I shouldn't have to justify it. I shouldn't have to feel like an apology should be in order.

When I weighed my choices, and what was good for me this was it. I am in my late 20's, I don't live forever. I want to explore, I want to be fucking happy. I have someone whom supports me for who I am. Someone who shares in the workload of life, who believes in the same work ethic, and believes in the same ideas of what a sex life should be. someone I don't have to scrafice the important things to, because he understands.

I have made mistakes in my life. It is not easy to make myself believe that "it will be ok" because the road is not always smooth. It takes violent turns and it isn't always roses. But I do my best to make decisions that will help me and not harm. Right now I am causing more harm than help. Let me help myself damn it, don't hold me down and smother me.

What ever happened to the belief of "And it cause no harm, do as you will"? Is this not valid for my life changing event? I will not apologize for my choices. I will not make excuses because I am going to truly live. Adventure, love, and believe that I will make dreams come true. With sweat and tears I will make things happen, and by my side someone that supports me.

Be mad, be sad, be unhappy, be happy, be whatever emotion you decide fitting. I will listen to my heart and intuition. Just know that it's my decision. I am making my world happy! If you don't like it then obviously you don't understand. Don't make me feel like I have to apologize for my decisions, it's just not right. Thanks for listening.

I Am Happy and Nothing You Can Do Can Change It

There are a lot of times where I second guess myself. I have done this so many times in my life. I second guess my baking. I second guess my troubleshooting. I second guessed my degree. I even second guessed my major life choices, Divorce and my move.

I keep telling myself that if it feels right then it /IS/ right. When there is no directions, you have to make your own map. That is what I did, I made my own map. I consulted a few friends, and even consulted a few cards. Once I left I didn't think of going back. I had lost all feelings I may have had.

I have done wrong in my life. I know that I may have hurt a few. However, I made the decision and I have to deal with it. I was wondering what story was being told... and now I have found out. I found out the hard way. Thankfully it was through other channels but still I knew the story and wish he wouldn't take this road.

I am young. I am stupid. and I may be blonde. But when I have people asking me if I am okay... EVERY SINGLE DAY... You tend to wonder. "Am I really okay?"

I wasn't okay. I wasn't all right. I am happy with my decision and that is that. Forgive me or not. I only want to be happy, and right now I am the happiest I have been in a very long while. Even in the long distance relationship, when I am with him, when I am talking with him, I smile, I laugh I giggle.

I love this feeling. It could be the Honeymooners syndrome of our relationship. But even with the two weeks we were still functioning normally, as if we had been living with each other for a year or more. It was nice.

Regardless, I am thankful that the story came out. I can at least brace myself for it next time. And even at that... I keep telling myself that My Cookie Monster will stand by my side just as my family will. Because right now... I am happy, and I don't wanna change it.