Moving a new direction

It's been a few months since I have posted here. I suppose I should catch you up, and let you know my goals from here on out with this blog.

A lot has happened since my last post. The summer was fast, but it was very pleasant for us. We did as much as we could with the allowed money, and time we were granted. I have been able to spend the summer with the kids, and create a few memories as a family. We have explored the Science Center, The Botanical Gardens, Visited the Zoo, and even a few parks. We have done a lot and I will be posting a few here on this blog and additional memories as well as they happen, and as I have photographs.

It is now Fall, and as the days get colder, I am sure we will accomplish more. I have obtained a full time job at our local Cable Company. So things are looking up. This weekend we have a con, and the following we have the kids.

I think our goal is to start our traditions this year. Pairing down the things we want/need to do for each year. I look forward to enjoying time with our family through out the coming years and seeing both kids grow, as my and my Lovie's relationship grow.

This blog is now changing from helping me to continue, to documenting a new sort of life that we are carving for ourselves. To get good pictures, and just doing small scrap moments for us.

June 2012

April 2011

Because moments like this.... you just can't re-create.

(I will be back posting to get caught up)

Kids, Paleo and Parenthood

I have been in Saint Louis for nearly two months in July. So much I have learned, and still feel I have a lot to go.

There is something different about helping raise children with your mate. It is even far more different being just a weekend parent. It gives you the flexability during the week to do some adult things like bars, and being in little to nothing during the day. However on the flip side, on the weekends we are asked... "Come out to sing on Saturday's!" "I am sorry we have the kids on the weekends."

Now don't get me wrong. I enjoy bar hopping and singing just like the next girl. However, there is something about having the kids in the house. The moments where you stand in the living room and teach them how to jump rope, how to literally count backwards to 1, and reading bed time stories. Making dinner, and coming to the aid if they have injured themselves.

However, there are moments that I just am not sure that I am really a "parent". There are moments that I feel as if I am just "dad's Girlfriend". There are moments where they don't listen, they deliberately disobey and ignore my statements. It isn't until I am backed up by Lovie, or their Mum do they listen. I fear my boundaries, and don't know how to push where I am comfortable. I know that parenting is just a learning journey. I know that in time... I will be the best "Parent" that I know to be.

Speaking of the kids, we have learned how to eat mostly of the diet called "Paleo". Mostly protein, fruit, and veggies. No legumes, and dairy, only exceptions is Cheese. So far we have done well, finding pancakes, and dinners, and lunches that are healthy. Working on myself to see if I can loose the weight and be healthier. The kids have eaten most of my dinners, and the food that I have prepared. Even found a pancake recipe that didn't suck. Paleo is not my kind of diet... but if I can do it for the kids.. why not.

Still no work, but I am applying to most places in hopes they think I am worthy. However with no call backs, no words, Nothing! My optimism is slowly waning. I dislike being home all the time, and being a "house Girlfriend".  I need to keep my head up because this is what I need. Sometimes, it takes a little longer than you would hope. I will put myself together again. It will take love, and patience.

Missing You; Skype to the Rescue?

Another rough week has been had for both of us. The stress of not seeing each other is really taking it's toll. It goes right back down to the little things. That lovely kiss, that want to come snuggle your love, the need to be there to help make them feel better when they are not feeling well. It also is the stress of our jobs, and this planning of not only my move but "Our" move.

Every day it adds to the stress and desire to no longer be homesick. I have deemed this feeling we have, this missing you and need you here right now feeling to be called "Lovie-Sick". Homesick to the next level? It's not going to be the next "new" word in Webster's Dictionary, but it means something to the pair of us.

I can tell you that there are moments where you are like, "I should enjoy this alone time now, because I won't get as much later." but really right now, I want... no ... he wants.... no... WE Both need that physical touch. That small kiss from time to time, that simple caress on your cheek. I am not even mentioning the sex. Because really it isn't all about that... It really is all about just the intimate, up close and loving moments.

It has been nearly 2 months since I was last in his arms. I miss that feeling. I won't deny that I kinda wish I could just fly out spend a weekend, or maybe a little longer and only come back because I have to sign papers. But I am responsible, I want to be in the state for those papers. There are nights that I often wonder if it is my fault, that I didn't do this sooner. But that is another topic for another day.

He was "Lovie-Sick" and I knew that proverbial bug was trying to bite me too. I remembered when his then Two year old, now three year old was getting Home sick while we were at his brother's house. He thought it a wonderful idea to Skype and talk to their Mom, and her boyfriend. She felt better, and it helped ease the time apart.

I figure if Lovie-Sick was the same or similar to homesick the same treatment would help. I mean it is a Logical step yes? Mind you we Skype and we talk all the time, there are many occasions where we talk until we fall asleep. (I really enjoy those nights, it makes me feel very close to him, even though he is over 2k miles away) But lately we have not been Skyping with video, because most of the time, it is bed time ( and lights are evil).

He liked the idea and we spent a few moments just chatting, and smiling. Even blowing silly lovie kisses, things you just can't do over a voice channel. I was eating dinner, and he doing some laundry. Mundane things but still a moment that can't be forgotten so quickly.

Yesterday we spoke to a few friends whom are trying the Long Distance route to find a loved one. The one thing that we tell them, it is hard... very, very, very hard. It is a lot about communication, love, and finding those simple moments to do the little things like Video chat. Today's technology has brought a lot of people together, and with a video chat, and clients that support this, can make it easier. But you can't keep substituting internet and virtual kisses for real ones. It is much better to be in their arms. But at least it can help.

Today, Skype helped a little to ease the pain of my loved one being so far away. I just have to keep counting the days. They will come in very short order.

Day in the Life...

So the first wait is nearly coming to a close.... Each day is one less, and I look forward to not being truly alone. But the question comes, am I truly alone in this apartment? Not really, it only seems like it. I spend very little time here, it is a place for me to lay my head at night. However, this is the next logical step.

I am someone that when I get excited I talk, and the question I often get is "Are you taking those two weeks off?" Now if I haven't said here, or if you don't know me directly you don't know what is going on. So let me back up. Right Now, there are 3 very special days coming. Other than my birthday, and other crazy days. My Boyfriend coming to town, Me going to Saint Louis, Missouri/ somewhere in Iowa (okay so I was corrected) for the holidays, and my "Hopeful" final move across the country to Saint Louis, Missouri.

As the days get close to all three I will most likely talk about them. So today's topic, "Him coming here for two weeks".

So to answer the question above, "Am I taking off those two weeks he is here?" The answer is No. This experience is going to be really a "Day in the life of Kitty" The one down thing about a long distance relationship is all you know is the communication that you have via your media options. Our cell phone usage, our EverQuest 2 voice chat conversations, Twitter, Texting, Skypeing, and even G-Chatting. But realistically you just don't know how everyone is unless you just stay with them.

I was told by a good friend of mine that the best time frame for you to tell if you can be with someone was two weeks. Getting over the first week, sub-conscious perfection that you impose because you are trying to impress someone. The second week you can truly understand and see the things that someone does. You can find the small things that you just can't live with or without.

Though I often wonder, will these two weeks be really a good show of our day to day lives? I certainly hope so. I really hope that the apartment will be warm, the bed will be comfortable enough for him, and even my sad excuse of cooking expertise will be acceptable. I worry, (another little thing about me) about everything.

I spent two weeks with him in April. It was different, and I was very shy. I didn't do some things because I felt I was being watched. Not by him, but by others. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every moment of it. I loved being with him, his kids, and just how we got out to see things. I just couldn't feel 100% comfortable, and to be rightly honest it was not going to be how it really is in the future. We are not going to have the "In-laws" living with us. As much as I would appreciate the thought, my way of life does not promote having someone of that nature in my house for more than a few days.

However with his coming here, there is much we want to accomplish in these two weeks. Meeting my grandparents, the little brother, the parents (two separate meetings), seeing his mom, and even just walking down the street holding hands. I don't think it will be... I don't think that this will be a true "Day in the life" because I am not really this exciting. But I want him to meet everyone that I care about, because they matter to me.

I want to make these two weeks count, because if we can do this, the next test may just prove to be a little harder. Two kids, a car and a road trip. I really look forward to it. I really do... Right now though, I just can't wait to kiss his lips and collect my cuddles.

To Be or Not To Be...

I am quickly learning that it does not pay to be a "Superwoman" every day. You become tired, and worn out and more zombie like as time passes. Knowing this I have to make some huge changes, and decisions based upon the time I have.

So first of all, I RP on EverQuest 2. One of my toons (my main toon for that matter) is currently RPly married to another. For those whom don't know the world of "RP" or also known as Role Play, basically we play a Gnome, and a Ratonga whom have been married. I have a person whom is my partner in game, and we just have fun with the story line. However, the one down side.... He lives on the East coast. I (right now anyways) am currently living on the West coast.... (man this is starting to sound like a love story gone awry) Regardless, he works, and is offline by 9pm EDT which happens to be approximately 6pm PDT (you notice something).

Yeah, it was talked about, it would have to be done during the weekends, which is fine but I am also planning on moving in now 5 months. I am trying to also spend time with my family, and the few friends that decide to come out of the wood work. So of course that is an issue just as well.

I am also trying to make time for My boyfriend because we are in a long distance relationship, it is very important to me that I talk to him often. I miss him very much every day. During the week, my commute and my work schedule puts me out of the house for about 13 hours a day. With me going to bed about 10pm PDT, I am just exhausted by the end of the week. Spend two days resting to go do it all over again.

This is just nuts! I mean I am only one person, and where is the phrase "Real Life takes precedence" Where is this "It's okay we will be here..." or "We still miss you." Gods... I tell myself that I miss me! I am just sitting here thinking... on a daily basis on what I want to do... what I need to do.. and what factions to grind.

I know that I go by the phrase "Rest is for the wicked" But DAMN, I was not expecting all of this. As I old my RP partner this week, I can't guarantee anything until April, May. I don't want to hold up your story for that long... but we need to figure out something. We have to figure out a way that we can build the toons and not have to worry about a freaking time zone.

I suppose we will figure it out.. until then... Myself, my Cat, my Boyfriend, and My Job come first. This Superwoman is focusing on the real world. My 40 hours in EQ2 is pretty much over... Until of course I get settled in the new place. But even that can't be guaranteed. I just keep counting, 169 days.

Week two- Learning the Bus Route.

It's been two weeks in the apartment. All I can say, it is definitely a change. I went from having 2 other people in the house, to just little old me. There has been a lot of trial and error, and a lot of learning experiences.

Because the car fell through, and it wasn't something I could afford for the next Six months I decided (with help of course) to start riding the bus. It is great because Seattle has a wonderful Bus system. However, It required my schedule to be changed... a little. I used to be in work by 5am, getting out about 1:30pm. It was great because I could take the car and just be there and back only traffic at home holding me back. Also allowed the ex to take the car for his own errands.

When I told my manager I was moving out on my own, she said that she can work magic and boy did she ever. The first week I was driven, to allow me to get myself settled and ready to move on. I found the route and said the earliest I could get in was 7am. She waved her magic wand and the powers that be said "You shall be granted this schedule"

I never took this route, and routes were going to change as it was the seasonal change. That Monday, I showed up to work a half hour late. All because one bus broke down. I HATE being late. But that aside, after that moment I worked my own bus knowledge and was able to finagle a route that gets me there about 45 mins early! I love being bus savvy. Maybe I will have to work the same magic for when I move to Saint Louis, Missouri.

Either way, learning to survive on my own... it has been difficult but in some ways fun. Learning that I have a (to me) huge hill that I have to climb every night on the way home. Choosing my way home, and picking the right route to get me to the grocery store, (that was a very long day). Even finding the best way to move with the lovely Bus Pass I got for myself.

Being the Sunday before our Week Three if I can make this month, I have no worry about the rest of the 5 months. Many blessings to all those read...