Day in the Life...

So the first wait is nearly coming to a close.... Each day is one less, and I look forward to not being truly alone. But the question comes, am I truly alone in this apartment? Not really, it only seems like it. I spend very little time here, it is a place for me to lay my head at night. However, this is the next logical step.

I am someone that when I get excited I talk, and the question I often get is "Are you taking those two weeks off?" Now if I haven't said here, or if you don't know me directly you don't know what is going on. So let me back up. Right Now, there are 3 very special days coming. Other than my birthday, and other crazy days. My Boyfriend coming to town, Me going to Saint Louis, Missouri/ somewhere in Iowa (okay so I was corrected) for the holidays, and my "Hopeful" final move across the country to Saint Louis, Missouri.

As the days get close to all three I will most likely talk about them. So today's topic, "Him coming here for two weeks".

So to answer the question above, "Am I taking off those two weeks he is here?" The answer is No. This experience is going to be really a "Day in the life of Kitty" The one down thing about a long distance relationship is all you know is the communication that you have via your media options. Our cell phone usage, our EverQuest 2 voice chat conversations, Twitter, Texting, Skypeing, and even G-Chatting. But realistically you just don't know how everyone is unless you just stay with them.

I was told by a good friend of mine that the best time frame for you to tell if you can be with someone was two weeks. Getting over the first week, sub-conscious perfection that you impose because you are trying to impress someone. The second week you can truly understand and see the things that someone does. You can find the small things that you just can't live with or without.

Though I often wonder, will these two weeks be really a good show of our day to day lives? I certainly hope so. I really hope that the apartment will be warm, the bed will be comfortable enough for him, and even my sad excuse of cooking expertise will be acceptable. I worry, (another little thing about me) about everything.

I spent two weeks with him in April. It was different, and I was very shy. I didn't do some things because I felt I was being watched. Not by him, but by others. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every moment of it. I loved being with him, his kids, and just how we got out to see things. I just couldn't feel 100% comfortable, and to be rightly honest it was not going to be how it really is in the future. We are not going to have the "In-laws" living with us. As much as I would appreciate the thought, my way of life does not promote having someone of that nature in my house for more than a few days.

However with his coming here, there is much we want to accomplish in these two weeks. Meeting my grandparents, the little brother, the parents (two separate meetings), seeing his mom, and even just walking down the street holding hands. I don't think it will be... I don't think that this will be a true "Day in the life" because I am not really this exciting. But I want him to meet everyone that I care about, because they matter to me.

I want to make these two weeks count, because if we can do this, the next test may just prove to be a little harder. Two kids, a car and a road trip. I really look forward to it. I really do... Right now though, I just can't wait to kiss his lips and collect my cuddles.

Stepping out of the Box

I realize now that I am some what of a sort of Single but damn I am already seeing a trend... a kind of bad one to be bluntly honest. My eating habits are definitely not what I want them to be.

My goal really is to be healthy, and to be happy. Now I have someone whom will help me.. only problem is that he is over 2,000 miles away right now. In 6 months, we will be able to work on this but until then my bus commute will help.

But in order for me to be healthy and happy I need to start to eat that way. So back to this trend, I found these box dinners. They don't have MSG, or any thing that could be considered "Bad".. but it is BOXED. Believe me when I say, I don't mind it. But one thing that I need to learn is how to cook "Outside" the box.

It is hard to find something that is quick and yummy, perferably within season. I tend for the easy route, but know that my future is not quick. I most of the time have no initiative on this because I am just cooking for myself. Why good a meal that you would put on a table for a family for just you?

So I propose for myself at least two nights where I learn to cook something "Different" and Healthy. Now to pick those days and figure out WHAT I want to cook. I need to try kid friendly and adult friendly too! Any suggestions?

Worries, and Realizations

Well another week down and only a few more days before the application goes into the new apartment. I am kinda scared but ready. It is very scary putting all of your eggs in one basket as I have. But I have faith that the Goddess will provide for me.

I look at my house right now, and just think that there is so much to still to do in the way of packing. I have a lot of things to move around, and no where to put it. I have for the past 3 years at least, have not had a "clean" house, with boxes everywhere. I am just ready to get this party started and purge a lot. Two waves of purging, lets rock!

Although, Yesterday I had a realization after reading a twitter message that asked: "Have you hugged someone today?" I had not hugged anyone in a few weeks. The last hug I got was from a friend whom has helped me find the place I am going to. This... this is new to me.

I am not used to not getting the loving touch every day. The hug, the kiss, the gentle caress that having someone that cares for you around gives you. I spoke to my special someone last night, and the conversation was genuine and I understood it. It is going to be hard, but I have to thrive for tomorrow.

It may not be easy but it is doable. The one thing I must have is patience, and know that it will end soon and it will be a lot easier when I am not so far away. But still my question is does the pain of not having someone not close by to just comfort you in times of need really go away? Does this want to be in someone's lap ever die when after so long you wish for it to be so?

I really do hope that after all is said and done... it gets just a little easier. I don't want to be dead, or emotionless, but I don't want to hurt. I just know that my cell phone, EQ2, G-chat, and Skype will help me get through the hard parts. I have faith that everything will work out it has to.

Friends Indeed

So yesterday and the day before I decided to update a few friends on the current situation. Their response was none to surprising. "How do you feel about that?" "Is that really going to solve anything?" "Do you really love him?" All very good questions in my book.

I told them the same I tell everyone, what I told the spouse in the first place, "I can't tell you I love you any more.", "I have a plane ticket with my name on it right now, I can just leave at any point" "The only thing keeping me here is responsibility."

It also did not surprise me when they told me that if I am unhappy, then just leave. You have nothing keeping you there. You have the option to just pick up your stuff and just go out the door. But to they really know how hard that is to just pick up and leave, when you know you have more than just one person depending on you?

I have two I support, and I don't have a job in Missouri, I don't have the ability to keep sending them the money to pay rent, plus I am on the lease. Okay sure, the lease ends in March, but still I can't afford to move.

My friends observation, "I foresee you staying" I don't know what I want why is it so frackin hard to make a single decision. WHY?!?