Life, love, bills and name changes

This year has been so crazy! Ever since I have moved here to Saint Louis I have been going non stop. Everything from being a nearly full time parent to changing my work schedule to just chaos. I suppose a go over for the year so far is in order.

So since February my Lovie and I have taken on the full time parent roll. Let me tell you that was a huge adjustment for both of us. We went from weekend parents to full time, learning about school functions to how hard it was to figure out what to have for dinner. Still to this day we struggle but we do our best to provide a happy home.

We had learned that we couldn't keep up and told both kids that they needed to help. Thus our rewards system. Lovie came up with the "Bonus Points" system. Every time they help out ( laundry, feeding the cat, taking out he trash/ recycling ect) they could earn a point. Each point goes towards rewards (movies, dinner,toys ect). It has been going well.

I have been working for nearly a year at the local cable company. I have found that I am starting to become good at the job. Slowly working towards going to another position. The hardest thing that we had done so far is had my schedule changed. It was ok having the 9- 5:30 job, but when it changed to 11-7:30, that was when it got tougher.  The kids miss me, and I am not spending much time with them or my love during the week. It is a huge strain on the family. I can tell, I hate the hours but we need the paycheck.

Mom came into town in March. It was so good to see her. We took her around and showed her that I was happy here. She even got to see a Saint Louis winter. It was also very awesome that when she met the kids they attached just like any kid would to their grandma. It was amazing.

 I also got to learn about how well my Lovie will take care of me when I am sick. The first day my mom came home I came down with exhaustion so bad that I just crashed. I couldn't walk straight, and had a fever. He took care of me so much that he demanded that I stay in bed and rest. Even when I wondered into the kitchen to try to help with dinner, he shooed me out. Now that is true love.

This year I have been working on losing weight. I have lost about 25 lbs already. This summer has been hard to get motivation to workout. I have been overall stressed out and can't seem to find my groove of life quite yet. We still struggle with one car for a two car type family. I think that for next school year I may be electing to ride the bus until this name change stuff is over.

Speaking of name changes, it's official I will be progressing to change my name. My hope, is that I will have it completed by my birthday. I am keeping my surname on the down low, until the papers are in the announcement phase. I have already pulled my credit reports and found everyone that I owe money to. Hopefully by September I will be able to start my legal name change. It's something I have wanted and told myself that it will be my 30th birthday pressent to myself. Lemme tell you that this will be the most expensive present yet. Except for my dental work.

The dental work is going well. I already capped out my insurance for this year, and I still need about 4k in dental work to repair what I already have. I then have to get oral surgery, and then I have to get my implants. This here my dental work is the most I have ever spent on myself. I already got my first compliment from a friend who had to ask Lovie quietly if I got work done. Believe me friends, it has had it's moments, and I am just glad that I have an awesome dentist. He has walked me through everything and we have become good friends.

Lovie and I take each day one at a time, and know that we will get there someday. I know that once I settle myself we will find our groove and work out everything on our check list. Until next time, stay safe and keep love in your heart.

Kitty L.

Moving a new direction

It's been a few months since I have posted here. I suppose I should catch you up, and let you know my goals from here on out with this blog.

A lot has happened since my last post. The summer was fast, but it was very pleasant for us. We did as much as we could with the allowed money, and time we were granted. I have been able to spend the summer with the kids, and create a few memories as a family. We have explored the Science Center, The Botanical Gardens, Visited the Zoo, and even a few parks. We have done a lot and I will be posting a few here on this blog and additional memories as well as they happen, and as I have photographs.

It is now Fall, and as the days get colder, I am sure we will accomplish more. I have obtained a full time job at our local Cable Company. So things are looking up. This weekend we have a con, and the following we have the kids.

I think our goal is to start our traditions this year. Pairing down the things we want/need to do for each year. I look forward to enjoying time with our family through out the coming years and seeing both kids grow, as my and my Lovie's relationship grow.

This blog is now changing from helping me to continue, to documenting a new sort of life that we are carving for ourselves. To get good pictures, and just doing small scrap moments for us.

June 2012

April 2011

Because moments like this.... you just can't re-create.

(I will be back posting to get caught up)

3 months and counting

Three months and counting, that is how long I have been unemployed. That is how long I have been struggling to find work. It has been hard to only have three interviews in the past three months, and wait for someone to call and the phone doesn't ring.

I have searched, nothing but one perspective, and they won't call. Today, it just got harder and I knew it was going to come. So now it is thinking outside the box. Instead of technical support positions, I will now look to retail.

I have never done retail, and I am sorta terrified at even attempting it but I need not be scared. It can't be that scary right?

Regardless I have to step up to my game, and go full force into the workforce. I must not feel this useless, I know I am not but this has to stop. Feelings I have been having are no good to me, nor my situation.

There is so much that I want to and need to get done. So for the time being I need to cast the feelings aside and make the most of it.

On a brighter note, we did have the kids for a week and a half, it was wonderful! We enjoyed them as much as they enjoyed it here. We had some family and friends come over, we did some Little Gym make up classes, and even went to BATTL with our friends. We ended the entire thing watching some metor showers at their mum's house.

His kid started first.grade this week, and I am sure we will hear all about it when he and his sister come over. I am excited to be there for them, and help in anyway. I may not be there for them every day, but at least I can make a difference in their lives. I hope.

Although, I can't complain much about the time I have spent here so far. I know now that the vacation is over, and I am going to do something about this fairy tale because it can't end like this. As always I am optimistic, and ready to take on anything. Just think, I will be making the most out of what we have, and making it better.

We will win, at least our story has already taken a new turn. Stick together and we can accomplish anything!

With love,
Kitty

Kids, Paleo and Parenthood

I have been in Saint Louis for nearly two months in July. So much I have learned, and still feel I have a lot to go.

There is something different about helping raise children with your mate. It is even far more different being just a weekend parent. It gives you the flexability during the week to do some adult things like bars, and being in little to nothing during the day. However on the flip side, on the weekends we are asked... "Come out to sing on Saturday's!" "I am sorry we have the kids on the weekends."

Now don't get me wrong. I enjoy bar hopping and singing just like the next girl. However, there is something about having the kids in the house. The moments where you stand in the living room and teach them how to jump rope, how to literally count backwards to 1, and reading bed time stories. Making dinner, and coming to the aid if they have injured themselves.

However, there are moments that I just am not sure that I am really a "parent". There are moments that I feel as if I am just "dad's Girlfriend". There are moments where they don't listen, they deliberately disobey and ignore my statements. It isn't until I am backed up by Lovie, or their Mum do they listen. I fear my boundaries, and don't know how to push where I am comfortable. I know that parenting is just a learning journey. I know that in time... I will be the best "Parent" that I know to be.

Speaking of the kids, we have learned how to eat mostly of the diet called "Paleo". Mostly protein, fruit, and veggies. No legumes, and dairy, only exceptions is Cheese. So far we have done well, finding pancakes, and dinners, and lunches that are healthy. Working on myself to see if I can loose the weight and be healthier. The kids have eaten most of my dinners, and the food that I have prepared. Even found a pancake recipe that didn't suck. Paleo is not my kind of diet... but if I can do it for the kids.. why not.

Still no work, but I am applying to most places in hopes they think I am worthy. However with no call backs, no words, Nothing! My optimism is slowly waning. I dislike being home all the time, and being a "house Girlfriend".  I need to keep my head up because this is what I need. Sometimes, it takes a little longer than you would hope. I will put myself together again. It will take love, and patience.

Week two in Missouri

It's been two weeks now since I had moved to the Saint Louis area. It has been the most fast paced two weeks you could ever imagine. A lot has happened since I have last posted so I guess a brief re-cap might be in order.

The last week of work was painful yet, very rewarding. Got to talk to a few familiar clients and got to close quite a few tickets. There were a few tickets that were unresolved but I knew they were in good hands. The last day, I did cry. I knew I was going to be doing something bigger and better, but I just knew that I wasn't going to see these guys again. My name tag was stolen, my very last day, and it was just very emotional. I didn't go drinking that night with the crew because, no one was going to show and I just wanted to go home, buy pizza and drink some beer.

The last weekend was a crazy one, with divorce papers, signed, and seeing a few friends over the weekend. It was just a lot of catching up. Monday, I went to see my best friend, Ferret, and her kidlet. Tuesday that week my lovie flew into town, and the cube got dropped off. Then on it was a blur, with dinner dates, and moving and packing. Uncomfortable beds, and empty houses. Threats that were made, and closure on everything.

Time flew too fast, and on the Friday before I left, I knew who my true friends were. Other than Ferret, and Fox, ( because they had kids) of course. 7 of my closest friends came down and we sang together. Drank, and sang. It was one of the best nights ever. A lot of hugs and sad good byes later, and I was nursing the drunk feeling afterwards.

Saturday came waaay too early, but we cleaned the house, and packed up our things, and the cat and off we went. Running a little later than we liked but we made it on time. We went through security quite well. The cat did very well, a few maintenance mews, and everything was just fine. We got to Saint Louis and was picked up by some in-law family, and made it home. The kids were here when we arrived, and with a distressed cat, she said her hellos and then hid in our closet for a few hours. Once things got quiet she came out and snuggled us for a little bit.

The first week was quite busy as well, moving things around getting prepared for the shipment of my possessions, getting the essentials that we needed, and everything all at once. Explored the surrounding area, and ensured that we knew what we were looking forward to. Quite a bit of new and exciting scenery. Also it is an area of town that he is not too familiar with, so we are still learning.

The second week has been very quiet, making dinner at home, and moving my possessions around, and unpacking my kitchen and such. So far it has been very labor intensive and just tedious. We are still making the necessary changes to the house to make it a warmer home. I look forward to making this house a home for at least a few years, until we find a place that fits our style a little more than what we have now.

Next week I am in full scale job hunting. I didn't get the position that I applied for but as my mum always said, "If at first you don't succeed, try try again." Until we speak again!

Lots of love!

Two Weeks to go!

So much emotion running through right now. I have two weeks to go, until our move date. My love and I are looking forward to it. The start of something new, and fresh.

To catch everyone up, we found a place in Creve Coeur, Missouri. A wonderful 3 bedroom town house. It isn't perfect but as we both believe, we are not perfect. It seems to be cozy, and has it's quirks but it is home. He moved in last week, and in two weeks I will be moving in with my cat.

I have a second interview with the first company that I have decided to place my application with. They know I need some help and learning with Linux, and a little with the command line in Windows, but I have the basics. I am intelligent, and know what I am talking about. Now to attempt to nail the second interview once I am in town.

I am not sure if this move has been harder on my friends than on myself. Trying to do the last minute things, seeing people and things that I have wanted to. I shouldn't thing think this is goodbye but yet, I will be back. I know that I am coming back home. It will be awhile, but I suppose I never thought I would leave Seattle. But after being here for about 27 years, I am thinking it is time to explore.

Nearly done packing, getting everything ready. This is my last week of solid packing, and today I found something that I thought I had lost. When I was in high school my grandfather started writing a book about his trucking. My grandfather was a trucker, nearly life long trucker. He was proud of his accomplishments, and being able to see all continental 49 states. The only ones he didn't get to see with his trucking was Alaska and Hawaii (no roads to Hawaii).

His death came this year, it was expected but still somewhat sudden. I hadn't seen him in years, since I was in High School. I had just received the pamphlet that was given out for his funeral, but finding his book. It makes me think of how much I know I am going to miss him. My grandfather, a wonder of no belief, a strong soul., a worker and someone whom did not show fear to change. As I go forward, and explore the US and the World, I can't help to think that I am like him in some way, a traveler. I am going to create memories that will last me a long time.

Two weeks until I make my biggest jump ever, I am ready, I have been ready and truly look forward to the adventure. Thank you everyone that supports me!

Four weeks to go!

Well we are in the final four weeks of our count down. Everything is just starting to fall into  place. Which I have no complaints about, we need things to be smooth.

I put my application into a company for a tier 2. We had scheduled an interview, but it had to be rescheduled. In the mean time I have been studying my little heart out. I have wonderful friends, and an even better partner to help. I got the call Monday to have it scheduled for Wednesday. I..am..terrified! I want this to work out, be somewhat easy... I have this feeling it wont be.

We have been searching for apartments as of late. We found quite a few but two caught our eye. We applied, and we were accepted on one, waiting to hear back on the second. We want the second place more than the first... But with things stacked against us, we will work it out.

So lets check list here,
Job- interview tomorrow
House- got one hiring hoping for the other
Packed- about 85% done.
Cat- ready for flight, last appointment scheduled
Notice on current place- check, have balance
My health checkup- check, prescriptions refilled
Sanity- lost that months ago
Stress level-out of control
Flight tickets-purchased
Rental car-not yet working on it
The relocube- reserved, will need to call soon.
Legal papers-will sign soon

I am so ready to go. I feel like I am playing Tetris. I am placing them where they should go but afraid it won't work. I have faith that things will work. I am sure. More updates soon!

Bumps, and Lumps; Ups and Downs

After a week of focusing on one... we find out that it is not meant to be. I believe that if you work at it and you still do not get what you are reaching for, it was not meant to be. You can't help but plan what it will like if you achieved your goal, and have your heart set on just one. However, when you are shot down not once but twice, it is just heart breaking.

This goes for just about everything I have learned. A job, a house, a life, and a material item, all the same in many ways. If you do not put forth the energy then it does not get accomplished. Mind you, we both right now are running out of steam, and fuel. Our daily energy is that of a barely making it feeling. I know that I am barely surviving knowing and breathing that there is a light at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel. I sometimes wonder how he feels.

I had said once before that a long distance relationship is not for the weak of heart. Each day since I last saw him, it gets harder. I sometimes wonder if I am going forward because of my own drive or for that of another. Terrified of change, Tired from the lack of restful sleep, and just worried that something is going to go wrong. My everyday has become that last sprint. Planning, preparing, packing, and existing.

This week we may have already lost what could have been a wonderful thing. Then I ask, was it meant to be? Was it just another step to something bigger, better or just what we need. I am not about living beyond my means, or proving that I have something that you don't. I want to be comfortable. I want to come home to my mate, whom welcomes me with open arms and kisses. A cold empty house is not the life for me.

I proved to myself that I could survive, and live on my own. Something that I had never done before. It is quite an accomplishment. I however, wish I could do more. I need to re-charge.. no WE need to re-charge. We need to put our feet on the ground and take a look at the time keeper and get ready. I may be out of shape but damn it we will make that finish line. We will be out of breath, tired but I believe that after we get through these hurdles. We can make anything happen.

I submitted my resume, and we will continue our search. The one thing that we need to keep in mind... Anything is possible. This is the time where we pick each other up and encourage that this finish line isn't far away. We will make a home wherever the fates believe we should be.

Stress, snow, and scams

This week has started out less than prefect. Lately I have been worrying about things that have been out of my control.

I have issue with perfection. I am a self proclaimed perfectionist. I will do everything in my power to ensure that I will accomplish a task in a timely manner. We have been short staffed at work. With a ton of new customers each week we have been struggling to keep up.

My own policy is to ensure that every one of my tickets are touched. But when you are thrown more and not allow me to assess the situation I become overwhelmed and stressed out. I am nearly always stressed out, just by nature. If I am overwhelmed I can't cope as well. I have learned over time to breathe, but there are still moments.

Spring is coming! Not only are there flowers blooming but there is snow falling. The past three days we have had snow. Not the amounts that we had in january, but enough to make people freak out. We even had one of my favorite type of storm. A wind storm. A kept thinking about my boyfriend, being cuddled letting the wind take us. I really hope Saint Louis has the same, and not involving tornados.

Lastly, we have been searching for houses to rent. We have been using a wonderful website called "Pad Mapper". It helps you find places that you could rent or buy. We are not in the market to buy a house. We want to retire in Seattle, in our home; not Saint Louis. So we started our search. It has been an interesting search to start.

The first house we sent a response to, looked wonderful. A few blocks from work, and businesses. Exactly what we were looking for. He sent a response, and we waited. We heard nothing for a week or so.
Last night we were up late doing some housing searches. We came across the same house again, and suggested that he look for the response in his junk folder. Well thinking Google was over doing the spam protection again we found it there.

We were a little concerned with the opening of the response and a conflict of religious views. However, he dove by the house. It looked legit, so we responded. They wanted some normal information, who are you, when you born, who will be in the house, pets, cars, occupation, previous residence, why you leaving, ect. We apologized for the delay and I can only assume he did some research.

Next thing I know I am recieving an email saying that this is all a scam. Well fuck me with a stick. Something that would have been a dream place to rent gone in just a few seconds. He continued to search and found more. So much so he sent one to me with a response that made me giggle. "Hey honey, they are doing Doctors without borders. We should watch their house for them."

It is sad that in a single moment I went from hopeful to frustated to just another wasted moment. If I have learned anything it has been two things. First, don't stress over things you don't have control over. And second, if it is too good to be true, it probably is. I guess it's back to the drawing board... On the bright side, I have the vet and dr appointment set. This isn't washed yet.... gotta keep my head up.

In Sickness and Independence

This week was one I was dreading for quite awhile. Not because it was a special week by any means. It was the week I got sick.

The sickness was a common cold but with me I am stubborn and I knew it was going to catch up with me. I hate being sick, and I hate missing work even more. (Especially when I know I am not getting paid) But this week I did catch that common cold that had been going around and boy did it knock me out.

The beginning of the week I believed it was allergies. Spring is coming and I know that I have a few allergies her and there. But after a few days it just got worse. With little or no sleep (about 6 or less hours of it a day) I knew that it was going to get me this weekend. I made do with tissues and Alieve Cold and Sinus ( my saviour most times) but this time it didn't work.

I finally on Friday threw in the towel and just called it a day. I called in sick, and was able to just sleep the day away. I had no night time drugs to help me sleep, and wearily I texted my neighbor (my old high school friend) to see if he had some I could use. He responded saying he did indeed have some and would be right over.

This week really showed me how much I hate being sick, and how much I had to fight to be well again. There were moments, I would have appreciated to have wheels or someone to take care of me. Getting the phone calls from not only the Boyfriend, but from my mum as well it made me feel just a little better.

After an entire day of sleep and soup I decided that Saturday I would just get out of the house. I figured some well deserved Vitamin D was in order. I hopped a bus and made a day of it. Pho, Coffee, and a stop at the drug store I was on my way to feeling better. It was when I got home I could tell I was still on the mend. I crawled into pj's and took a wonderful nap.

I woke up to my phone ringing to the tune of Black Eyed Peas' "Time of my Life", it was the Boyfriend. I couldn't help but smile. I answered in a sort of Groggy state, to his voice, and then shortly after, two other little voices. They were calling to check on me. I hadn't eaten dinner yet and it was about that time. We spent a few moments talking and it just made my night. It was like falling asleep and having a Lovie come over and kiss my lips to wake me, or having two kids crawl into bed with you in the morning. A moment I ever wonder if I will experience.

Then today, I saw that he and the kids went to see the newest Studio Ghibli movie that was in theaters. "The Secret World of Arrietty" I wanted to see it too, so I decided to take my self to a movie. I have never been to a Movie alone before, it was quite the experience. I enjoyed it the same. I had also walked the few blocks to do a few last errands before going home.

There is one thing that I loved about today, is the sense of Independence I had. The ability to just do what I wanted, and feel I could go anywhere. If there are two things I hope that I can accomplish after I move it is this. I hope that I don't have be sick and alone again, but if I am I would rather be sick and independent. Just as well, I hope that there will be moments where I can just go out, and walk somewhere. Hop a bus, or some other mode of transportation and just explore.

I love to explore new places, and today was one of those exploring days. This week was lonely, but yet I feel a certain calm about it. I did this by my self, with those who love me around to help support. I may be by myself for the next few months, but I am not alone. I am a little stronger today for it, because today I did something for myself. I also enjoyed every moment.

Missing You; Skype to the Rescue?

Another rough week has been had for both of us. The stress of not seeing each other is really taking it's toll. It goes right back down to the little things. That lovely kiss, that want to come snuggle your love, the need to be there to help make them feel better when they are not feeling well. It also is the stress of our jobs, and this planning of not only my move but "Our" move.

Every day it adds to the stress and desire to no longer be homesick. I have deemed this feeling we have, this missing you and need you here right now feeling to be called "Lovie-Sick". Homesick to the next level? It's not going to be the next "new" word in Webster's Dictionary, but it means something to the pair of us.

I can tell you that there are moments where you are like, "I should enjoy this alone time now, because I won't get as much later." but really right now, I want... no ... he wants.... no... WE Both need that physical touch. That small kiss from time to time, that simple caress on your cheek. I am not even mentioning the sex. Because really it isn't all about that... It really is all about just the intimate, up close and loving moments.

It has been nearly 2 months since I was last in his arms. I miss that feeling. I won't deny that I kinda wish I could just fly out spend a weekend, or maybe a little longer and only come back because I have to sign papers. But I am responsible, I want to be in the state for those papers. There are nights that I often wonder if it is my fault, that I didn't do this sooner. But that is another topic for another day.

He was "Lovie-Sick" and I knew that proverbial bug was trying to bite me too. I remembered when his then Two year old, now three year old was getting Home sick while we were at his brother's house. He thought it a wonderful idea to Skype and talk to their Mom, and her boyfriend. She felt better, and it helped ease the time apart.

I figure if Lovie-Sick was the same or similar to homesick the same treatment would help. I mean it is a Logical step yes? Mind you we Skype and we talk all the time, there are many occasions where we talk until we fall asleep. (I really enjoy those nights, it makes me feel very close to him, even though he is over 2k miles away) But lately we have not been Skyping with video, because most of the time, it is bed time ( and lights are evil).

He liked the idea and we spent a few moments just chatting, and smiling. Even blowing silly lovie kisses, things you just can't do over a voice channel. I was eating dinner, and he doing some laundry. Mundane things but still a moment that can't be forgotten so quickly.

Yesterday we spoke to a few friends whom are trying the Long Distance route to find a loved one. The one thing that we tell them, it is hard... very, very, very hard. It is a lot about communication, love, and finding those simple moments to do the little things like Video chat. Today's technology has brought a lot of people together, and with a video chat, and clients that support this, can make it easier. But you can't keep substituting internet and virtual kisses for real ones. It is much better to be in their arms. But at least it can help.

Today, Skype helped a little to ease the pain of my loved one being so far away. I just have to keep counting the days. They will come in very short order.

The Countdown Begins... NOW!

I haven't posted here in a while as things have been just crazy, and believe it or not it is just getting started. Since that cold January week a lot has transpired. I suppose I should fill you all in.

I did survive the Snowoclypse with only one fall. I was quite proud of myself! It was the very last day after all the snow had melted, and it was freezing. I had found one of the last pieces of Black Ice. Let my butt tell you how that felt. I had purchased some YakTrax the weekend before knowing that it would snow and be very icy. But because the snow had melted, I thought I didn't need them. Yeah... that was a mistake. Yes, I learned from that one.

Shortly after that, it was getting ready for these papers to be signed. At first I had no printer, no paper, no envelopes or the money to deal with this. (Let me tell you, you thought that getting married is expensive. ) We (The ex and I) finally got all the components ready, and mailed it out. In just enough time for our first target date (April 21st), but after having them come back with the statement of "I need more money for postage" I was just frustrated. I have somewhere to be people! I had to waste more stamps and an envelope to send it out AGAIN!

While waiting for those papers to get back, I started to pack and make plans for what we need to get done before Move #1. Oh yes, we get to move twice but I will get to that. We get the papers back, fairly quickly and we now have our date! It is a farther out than I expected but, we will make it work. We are now looking at May, early. I am getting excited, but then I realize it is officially 85 days today. Initiate panic mode!

We now file that one certain thing every year, Taxes. Wonderful! Yet because my and the Ex's taxes are difficult, (always have been) we go to a company whom can prepare our taxes for us. Of course because of the complexity, and extra forms it costs quite a bit. I ask how we are going to pay for it, he said he would pay for half. Fine, that is wonderful. Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you, it won't be until the following week. Wonderful I think, just wonderful. The second week of the month and you are expecting me to be able to pay this AND my bills. Right! I digress.

I get it done, sent and it is now on its way should be here soon! I get half as per the state laws (even though I made most of the money last year) and we will not have to cross paths until the sign date. Now I am sitting here thinking how much stuff is on my to do list. Lets list this out.

Pack for Missouri ( The First move)

Find a house to rent

Update my resume

Get a Local Missouri number for my cell phone

Find a job

Get my Student loans deferred.

Pay for the shipping crate

Pay for the 2 vet bills (the first one for general check up, second for the flight)

Pay for the cat carrier, harness and other necessary accessories.

Pay for my Doctor visit & prescriptions

Pay for 1 round trip flight, and 1 one way with Cat carry on.

Learn a new way of eating

Still maintain my work ethic under the stress of a dying job ( I recognize a sinking ship when I see one)

Commute, and not be exhausted

Maintain my relationship with my Boyfriend.

The list goes on, not to mention that once I am there I am going to be packing once again (which there should be very little) to move into a new house. You can feel the stress from not only myself but him too. Today I said that we need to start this teamwork bit, because we are not going to make it with our sanity if we keep going this way. (Two people working separately, yet for the same cause.)

So I am asking for him to put some of his stress upon me, as I request things of him. I tend to have more free time over the weekends, between sleeping and packing. He has a sense of Saint Louis, so if I search for houses, he can approve and do a drive by ( to look at it!). We need to start saving what little coins we have, and just make this happen. I will do my best to support him even though I am so very far away. I am not completely helpless, and would rather be in, what I call, the "War zone". I mean come on Sarge, I have proven I can do my job... Just look at me! I am ready! Let me go, let me help my team mates... They need re-enforcement, I AM THAT GIRL!

I have learned that we both lead a high stress lives, and will continue to be high stress until we have a place, a job for me and take a deep breath. This is where we start... the beginning. I passed the first test, living with him for two weeks. I think I passed the second test, staying with the kids for a week, and helping with the Holidays. I think this our third. We need to start passing each other the things that you can pass off. If you have time to cook, then cook. If you have time to search flights and get them paid, do it. If I need to call the airline to ensure that My ticket has the pet fee and register that we will have a cat. I will do it. This is the time where we really show what we are made of. I think we can make it do you?

Stress will come and go, but Love is there for a long time, only if you can ask for help when it is needed. I am here for you, as you are there for me. Teamwork. We... can.. do.. this! I have faith. We just have to keep our sanity for only 85 more days, then a break. Then we start again. Lets go Sarge!

Now Leaving Saint Louis

Well another week complete and on an airplane to Seattle. I have found that this time it was quite a bit easier to leave knowing that this is the last time I have to say good bye to my love. I have tried to cry a few times but I know that I have a very long business Trip to do. He says it is only 3 months and 3 weeks. Which I know will go so fast.

So much to do this year in the first 4 months, file for divorce, Scamp to the vet, Taxes, and packing. You just don’t know how much you own until you start to purge the items that you don’t need. I look forward to knowing what I am donating and what I am keeping. I know it isn’t going to be much. I don’t have much, I will make sure that the Ex will get first dibs on items that I have to get rid of. Only fair right?

I am going to enjoy living in Saint Louis, even when we were in Iowa and it was 17 degrees out and so windy that I nearly lost my breath a few times, I was still smiles. Speaking of that trip, that was the most fun I had this year so far. My Boyfriend and I travelled all of city looking for 1 skein of Midnight Blue Yarn so that I could finish our rug. Scouring 2 Hancock’s, Joann’s, Michael’s , Walmart /and/ a Kmart we couldn’t find a single Skein! We came back home to Saint Louis and the first place we called they had it! I could work on it while travelling.

Also this trip was my test to see if I could handle being a parent. My boyfriend and I travelled from Saint Louis to Iowa. Let me tell you, travelling via car with two kids and an iPad around nap time. Not too bad. Took a nap or two on this 8 hour drive, but really it was just nice to be going with my love. Once we got there we cuddled for the night. Afterwards the week went fast, with a lot of lazy days. We had a few moments with the youngest, as she was just two. She quickly got homesick, but with the power of Skype she could see her mom.

Each night he assured me that I was doing well as a parent. I question that I will be a great one, as often I was told I was not “fun”. I may not be “fun” but I guess I don’t want to have a child disobedient. Which both were wonderful for us. But I wonder, will they always be that way? When we finally have our own home? Will they need correction? Although I did get some confidence, when one or both of them didn’t listen to me, he asked them what I said, or what did I ask. He was re-enforcing that I was a parent or at least an adult that they must listen to, It really meant a lot.

The entire trip there was many small conversations on the best way to move me to Saint Louis. When I was going to give my notice, and when I was going to give him my Resume for a possible job in the city. I look forward to all the opportunity that it gives me. Even talk with someone whom makes cakes and deals with that sort of thing. I can’t wait to just be settled again. He can’t wait either. We both just look forward to clearing out the dust.

Other events that happened, the last night in Saint Louis this time, we went out to a small Greek restaurant with some friends. Angebird, Tojosan, Nanna_J and the Boyfriend, it was great conversation, and just nice to finally meet Tojosan and Nanna_J. After dinner we got to go to Coffee Cartel and see a good friend there too. Before we went to Iowa, I got to see the Boyfriend’s best friend Versa Dave and his kidlets. I look forward to just being there so that we can hang out more often.

All in all I already miss him, and will continue to miss him. I love the city and can’t wait to come back. Don’t miss me long Saint Louis, I will be back soon! Now to get my finish my business, and pack! Where is my shredder???

Home sweet home

There was a saying that was stuck in my head since I was making my decent into Saint Louis. "home is where your heart is." and truly right now my heart is here. Don't get me wrong I love Seattle and would not trade growing up there for anything. My mum is there, my brother and family. But I have found that this place it feels homey for me. A sense of calm and that things will just be alright.

I suppose it could be that I have someone to snuggle at night, or it could be that these two kidlets are so sweet, or even the way I am welcomed in with open arms. But whatever brings me here I am just happy. I just can't wait to be here longer than a week or two at a time. But as days go by, I realize that there is so much to do. Until the day, I will think and savor each day that I am here.

We spent Christmas with the kids at their mums house and it was a hard sleep but well worth seeing their faces light up when they unwrapped each gift. She got some Tinkerbell and he got some Legos. I got a lovely necklace from his son. I could have just melted. When we went to have our big Christmas at their grandparents house more toys and cute things.

The three days before Christmas were the same, a little thing here and a little thing there. New traditions, and a lot of old. I look forward to starting our own traditions in our house. A living Christmas tree, and stockings, even baking cookies for everyone. Now we are at the boyfriend's brother's house with the kids. We spend each day chilling out, and getting pretty much nothing accomplished. But that is ok, because we both took vacation.

I am not sure if I could have asked for a better bunch of people to be with, but certainly it has made me smile. Little steps in the right direction will make a smile last a lifetime. It's not about how fast you get there as long as you are happy on the way. The thing I have learned so far is that life isn't about a smooth road to travel but the end destination.... I think. Either way I am spending my holiday with people that care.

I Am Happy and Nothing You Can Do Can Change It

There are a lot of times where I second guess myself. I have done this so many times in my life. I second guess my baking. I second guess my troubleshooting. I second guessed my degree. I even second guessed my major life choices, Divorce and my move.

I keep telling myself that if it feels right then it /IS/ right. When there is no directions, you have to make your own map. That is what I did, I made my own map. I consulted a few friends, and even consulted a few cards. Once I left I didn't think of going back. I had lost all feelings I may have had.

I have done wrong in my life. I know that I may have hurt a few. However, I made the decision and I have to deal with it. I was wondering what story was being told... and now I have found out. I found out the hard way. Thankfully it was through other channels but still I knew the story and wish he wouldn't take this road.

I am young. I am stupid. and I may be blonde. But when I have people asking me if I am okay... EVERY SINGLE DAY... You tend to wonder. "Am I really okay?"

I wasn't okay. I wasn't all right. I am happy with my decision and that is that. Forgive me or not. I only want to be happy, and right now I am the happiest I have been in a very long while. Even in the long distance relationship, when I am with him, when I am talking with him, I smile, I laugh I giggle.

I love this feeling. It could be the Honeymooners syndrome of our relationship. But even with the two weeks we were still functioning normally, as if we had been living with each other for a year or more. It was nice.

Regardless, I am thankful that the story came out. I can at least brace myself for it next time. And even at that... I keep telling myself that My Cookie Monster will stand by my side just as my family will. Because right now... I am happy, and I don't wanna change it.

Yuletide and the Lunar Eclipse

As I wait for coffee to brew I thought to stop a moment to tell you a few things I learned today.

This morning was my second Lunar Eclipse that I actively seeked and wanted to take photos of. It was beautiful to see her starting to fade, like an entire month in just a few hours. But as I was darting in and out of the cold I decided that it was time to just bundle up and watch it.

As I got ready I turned on my first Yule tide song of the season. I enjoy the instrumental kind, and thankfully Pandora has a station for that. I bundled up in my new Yule Hello Kitty fleece pants, snowflake slipper socks, Hello Kitty Slippers, a light blue tank to match my pants, a Fleece jacket, a shawl my mother made me and my finger-less gloves. I took my phone and loaded the same Pandora station and out I went with camera in hand.

I got to the top of the stairs in search of Luna, and she was not to be found. Hidden behind clouds, and obstructed from view. I couldn't give up searching for her, I looked and walked across the property in search of her, but alas after nearly a half hour had gone past. The chill was settling in my cheeks, I decided after writing a note to my love I would call it a morning.

But during this time, my search for a Luna I took a few moments to look around. There were cars and no other person but I saw maybe two. Too early for everyone to be awake on a Saturday. The ice was upon the ground, and the beauty of how still it was. It hasn't snowed yet here. And though I hate traveling in it, and I hate being cold. I wouldn't miss that first snow for the world.

The amazement that you get out of white fluff falling from the sky. It's Breathtaking. I came here to tell you what I have discovered. Beyond the Holiday shopping, the Yuletide gifts, and the crazy frustrated people there is peace. There is beauty, and alas there is such gifts that you only get from nature. Take a moment a single moment to realize that even though the big businesses believe that Yule is about profits, and the gift giving, it really isn't about that. It is about the peace that you see, and the family you are around.

I am thankful for this Yule I will be experiencing something special. I will be flying out to visit my boyfriend and his family and kids family. I get to spend it with my own family. I just get to spend this time with people, that care about me as I care about them. I may get to see the beauty of snow upon the ground and watch his kids play in such. I look forward to this Yule, as I really expect wonderful things.

Thank you Lady Luna for your view today. I am sorry I missed you become dark but know that I look forward to you every eve with your sister stars. You m'lady are an amazement in itself. So please take this moment to just feel at home, and even take a moment to experience your loved ones. Blessed Be this Yuletide season.

How many days until Yule?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I realized I think Wednesday this week that I only have less than two weeks until Yule (well Christmas, Yule is LESS!) I talked to the boyfriend to find out the list yesterday to find out that I have to ship the Yule gifts to Missouri! I have about 7 families to provide baked goods for! SEVEN!

I could not believe that once again I procrastinated Yule. You can't bake that much in such a short amount of time! I mean I will do it because I care about giving people good yummy baked goods but I can't do as much as I normally do. I told the boyfriend that we must remember earlier like right after Thanksgiving to start my baking fest.

The holidays snuck up on both of us this year. Next thing I know it is Thanksgiving, and then My birthday. Then its Yule, then Christmas, then OMG 2012! (I kinda hope that Father Christmas gives me a paper shredder this year! )

Speaking of the Holidays, I am starting a new tradition this year. I am actually traveling this year. I in my now 28 years have never flown during the Holidays. Most of my family is here in Washington, and I just spend it with them. But this year, I am spending the Christmas Holiday with my Boyfriend's family. I hope that it will be special, and well with my time. I love the change and hope that it continues until I find my settle point.

I have now 7 days to finish at least 13 pumpkin breads, and a few dozen cookies per each type. This week will be a crazy one! I will try to post some pictures of my Yule Gifts!

It isn't GoodBye... It's See you in 3 weeks.

Two weeks fly when you are just so comfortable. I am not sure how to describe the past two weeks except than I felt complete for the first time since I moved out. We worked well, and truly enjoyed each others company. We even started our own new traditions. I just hope that we can keep them up each year.

It was nice to not have to worry about anything but work, and what was for dinner. Knowing and having someone to go home to every night, and kiss in the morning was divine. He got all thumbs up from everyone he met, and even joked around with Mama Kitty. Also to have someone to commute with in the Mornings and Evenings... that was very nice.

We got to go Karaoke, and spend a dinner with Mama Kitty and Dad, have a meal with my Little brother, and even cooked a turkey. Our first turkey by ourselves, it was NOM! Even celebrated my Birthday (which is coming quickly) every here and there. Birthday and Yule pressies, just I couldn't have asked for anything better. Oh and we can't forget the bubble snow that we experienced at Bell Square Mall.

But when you get to last night, there was nothing I could do but to cry. To have someone that you love and cherish with you for the time to have them go away again. I will say this is the hardest relationship I have been in. Not because of how we meld and work, it is mostly because even though we visit... it is the leaving each other that hurts the most.

I have to keep reminding myself it is only 18 days until I see him again, then once that visit is done I will have about 107 before we will meet again. But as he said last night, we have to take it one day at a time. Even though there is SO much to do, we will accomplish each in turn. Just knowing that I have only one of these painful days left it is truly something to look forward to.

A Weekend Away

It's been a week since he has arrived into town. It has been nothing but a wonder. The time we have spent together and even the time away. We met my grandparents, which they gave the approval of him, and even the cat agreed. It has gone by so fast, I dread next week for sure. But regardless, so far it has been slow and very eventful. He even has a distaste for Seattle traffic, (at least we have carpool lanes)

But even with the hustle and bustle of the past week, this weekend we had to step out of our traditional Thanksgiving, which usually we spent with a large family around us, to a small town of Sequim. It was just wonderful to slow down for once. With the week prior being so hectic with him coming into town, and the week of work, it was refreshing. Not once did we feel rushed or even had a hurry to go anywhere.

We drove up on Thanksgiving day and spent it with his mom and grandmother at a small little restaurant. We had a simple Turkey dinner, and it just was nice to have the quiet. Small talk to warm myself up with them... I could not have asked for a better holiday.

Going to sleep that night in a small hotel. I have to say this place definitely had its quirks, but in the end it was better than sleeping on the couch at mom's house. A few bugs, requesting items from the office, and we will leave it as we had an adventure!

Each day we were in town we had tackled a town, Port Angeles the first and Sequim the second. The day we went to Port Angeles, we decided to go to the mountains. It is the picture that you see above. It was freezing but breathtaking. The moments we had there were just the start to our weekend. Sinking into the snow, and the cold time afterwards. I was glad that we had our snow boots on. Although next time, Warmer jackets may be needed.

After that though, we went window shopping. Very little men love this, but I think I am lucky that he and I both love doing it. We even had a book follow us, something about zen and motorcycle repair. It was like we just were having an easy laid back weekend, almost as if we were residents.

The same happened for Sequim, we just window shopped pointing out things we wanted for our own home. On the way home we even just reminisced about how this weekend just felt like another day in our life. Not a vacation, but instead just like a normal Saturday. I look forward to next week, we meet my mum and dad, and little brother. We also celebrate my Birthday. It will be exciting and yet another sign that this just feels right.

Day in the Life...

So the first wait is nearly coming to a close.... Each day is one less, and I look forward to not being truly alone. But the question comes, am I truly alone in this apartment? Not really, it only seems like it. I spend very little time here, it is a place for me to lay my head at night. However, this is the next logical step.

I am someone that when I get excited I talk, and the question I often get is "Are you taking those two weeks off?" Now if I haven't said here, or if you don't know me directly you don't know what is going on. So let me back up. Right Now, there are 3 very special days coming. Other than my birthday, and other crazy days. My Boyfriend coming to town, Me going to Saint Louis, Missouri/ somewhere in Iowa (okay so I was corrected) for the holidays, and my "Hopeful" final move across the country to Saint Louis, Missouri.

As the days get close to all three I will most likely talk about them. So today's topic, "Him coming here for two weeks".

So to answer the question above, "Am I taking off those two weeks he is here?" The answer is No. This experience is going to be really a "Day in the life of Kitty" The one down thing about a long distance relationship is all you know is the communication that you have via your media options. Our cell phone usage, our EverQuest 2 voice chat conversations, Twitter, Texting, Skypeing, and even G-Chatting. But realistically you just don't know how everyone is unless you just stay with them.

I was told by a good friend of mine that the best time frame for you to tell if you can be with someone was two weeks. Getting over the first week, sub-conscious perfection that you impose because you are trying to impress someone. The second week you can truly understand and see the things that someone does. You can find the small things that you just can't live with or without.

Though I often wonder, will these two weeks be really a good show of our day to day lives? I certainly hope so. I really hope that the apartment will be warm, the bed will be comfortable enough for him, and even my sad excuse of cooking expertise will be acceptable. I worry, (another little thing about me) about everything.

I spent two weeks with him in April. It was different, and I was very shy. I didn't do some things because I felt I was being watched. Not by him, but by others. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every moment of it. I loved being with him, his kids, and just how we got out to see things. I just couldn't feel 100% comfortable, and to be rightly honest it was not going to be how it really is in the future. We are not going to have the "In-laws" living with us. As much as I would appreciate the thought, my way of life does not promote having someone of that nature in my house for more than a few days.

However with his coming here, there is much we want to accomplish in these two weeks. Meeting my grandparents, the little brother, the parents (two separate meetings), seeing his mom, and even just walking down the street holding hands. I don't think it will be... I don't think that this will be a true "Day in the life" because I am not really this exciting. But I want him to meet everyone that I care about, because they matter to me.

I want to make these two weeks count, because if we can do this, the next test may just prove to be a little harder. Two kids, a car and a road trip. I really look forward to it. I really do... Right now though, I just can't wait to kiss his lips and collect my cuddles.