Bumps, and Lumps; Ups and Downs

After a week of focusing on one... we find out that it is not meant to be. I believe that if you work at it and you still do not get what you are reaching for, it was not meant to be. You can't help but plan what it will like if you achieved your goal, and have your heart set on just one. However, when you are shot down not once but twice, it is just heart breaking.

This goes for just about everything I have learned. A job, a house, a life, and a material item, all the same in many ways. If you do not put forth the energy then it does not get accomplished. Mind you, we both right now are running out of steam, and fuel. Our daily energy is that of a barely making it feeling. I know that I am barely surviving knowing and breathing that there is a light at the end of this dark and lonely tunnel. I sometimes wonder how he feels.

I had said once before that a long distance relationship is not for the weak of heart. Each day since I last saw him, it gets harder. I sometimes wonder if I am going forward because of my own drive or for that of another. Terrified of change, Tired from the lack of restful sleep, and just worried that something is going to go wrong. My everyday has become that last sprint. Planning, preparing, packing, and existing.

This week we may have already lost what could have been a wonderful thing. Then I ask, was it meant to be? Was it just another step to something bigger, better or just what we need. I am not about living beyond my means, or proving that I have something that you don't. I want to be comfortable. I want to come home to my mate, whom welcomes me with open arms and kisses. A cold empty house is not the life for me.

I proved to myself that I could survive, and live on my own. Something that I had never done before. It is quite an accomplishment. I however, wish I could do more. I need to re-charge.. no WE need to re-charge. We need to put our feet on the ground and take a look at the time keeper and get ready. I may be out of shape but damn it we will make that finish line. We will be out of breath, tired but I believe that after we get through these hurdles. We can make anything happen.

I submitted my resume, and we will continue our search. The one thing that we need to keep in mind... Anything is possible. This is the time where we pick each other up and encourage that this finish line isn't far away. We will make a home wherever the fates believe we should be.