In my 20 plus years I have experienced, I have not once had so many days together coming home to an empty house. Its been two weeks going on three, and this adjustment has been rough. The last few days I have been going home a little down. It is sooo hard to admit that I may have been dependent upon that human interaction when I walked in that door.
It makes me wonder how people can do it everyday. Come home to quiet (save my case my cat meowing at me.) No one to hug hello, or tell of your day while cooking dinner. I mean I see the ups of this "Single life". There's no explaining where you where, or why you are late. You can have what you want for dinner, and play games until you know you HAVE to go to bed.
But I think that because I was raised by a mom that believed in hugs as medicine is why this is so important to me. You have a bad day? Mom was there to say "Oh here is a hug it will be OK just tell me about it." You are sick? "Well lets give you a hug, and some medicine to help make you better." I guess not getting the loving hold after a long day is really missed. that human touch is necessary, I believe, to being a normal functioning part of society (or at least for me).
How have I coped? So far I have logged into EQ2 and push people away. Some try their best to inquire and I have just physically and emotionally pushed them away. However there is one whom regardless of the antisocial temperament, he has yet to let me go to sleep in this Anti-social state. The discussions we have a foundation of our growing relationship. Most of the credit goes to him; there are those whom try their best but don't know how they can help from so far away.
I have learned that it is so hard knowing that you have so many friends so far away. I have friends from the UK, to Maryland, to Pennsylvania, to Texas, to Missouri. That feeling of just wanting to go over to their house and just give them a hug, to not only re-assure them but to re-assure me never goes away. Connecting through my game of choice EQ2, it has made things even more difficult, because they are those who live far away.
In short, I am taking one day at a time, and just planning my future. Looking for the day in November where I can come home to someone to hug and kiss. To having a conversation at night before I close my eyes and feeling them against me, my safety. It will be sublime bliss... even if it is for two weeks.
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